


Sitting Tall

by SongsofPsyche



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Adventure, Family, Gen, Hope, Hurt/Comfort, Muteness, Overcoming Obstacles, wheelchair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-05-30 08:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 23,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6416665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongsofPsyche/pseuds/SongsofPsyche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An accident involving Fili, wet wood and a treehouse leaves Kili paralyzed from the waist down. Feeling incredibly guilty, Fili builds Kili a wheelchair to help him. Kili grows into a strong, confident dwarf, but will Fili ever forgive himself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite of Sitting Tall on fanfiction.net. Some will be the same, some will be different.
> 
> For current updates, general musings and such, please follow me on tumblr and on twitter!
> 
> My tumblr is SongsofPsyche13
> 
>  
> 
> -SongsofPsyche

 

_"Come on Fee!"_

_"I'm coming, I'm coming. Slow down!" Fili sighed slightly as he quickened his pace down the dark hallway. The only light was from the moon, and it cast it's bright light through the windows causing dark shadows from the swaying trees._

_Why Kili always liked to play at night, Fili would never know._

_He followed his little brother out the front door into the crisp summer night air and watched the shadowy figure of his little brother dart towards their "secret" (Thorin had built it for them) treehouse._

_"Careful Kee, the wood may still be wet from today's rains." Fili whispered at his brother's climbing figure._

_"You worry too much, Fee. Have some fun once in a while." Kili say with a smirk. Fili couldn't help but laugh, even at a young age of six Kili was still the sassiest dwarfling in town._

_Fili carefully climbed up the wooden ladder Uncle Thorin had made for them. It was sturder, yet Fili could feel the wood slip underneath his boots._

_They made it up to the top without any incidents though._

_Kili whooped with laughter and swung on the tree swing he had made the day before. It hung in the middle of the small treehouse from an outstanding branch. Like a chair hanging from the ceiling. It was quite a clever contraption and Fili was envious of his younger brother's woodsworth talent._

_Then it happened. The one single moment that changed the brothers lives forever. Kili swung forward with a little too much momentum and at the same time his boot slipped on a wed patch of wood. He was out of the swing, out the door and into thin air before Fili could very well blink._

_"Kili!" Fili cried, making a useless grab at his brother's coat._

_The small dwarf didn't even make a sound when he hit the ground._

_"Kili?" Fili whispered, looking down at the motionless dark body of his brother._

_"Kili!" Fili scrambled down the treehouse, feeling panic buzz in his chest. He ran to his brother._

_Kili was cold to the touch._

_"No! No! Kili! Mama, Uncle come quick!" Fili cried into the night._

_Lights came on in the house, and two figure came running outside._

_"Fili. What have you done?" Dis asked in horror as she stared at her youngest son's motionless body._

_"It was an accident. I swear. He slipped and fell. Please, I didn't meant to do it." Fili babbled as Thorin checked over Kili._

_Thorin finally looked up._

_"Fili, be quiet. Go inside to your room. We'll talk about this in the morning. Dis, call Balin to watch Fili. We need to take Kili to Oin right away."_

_Fili wept softly as his mother escorted him inside, would he ever see his brother again?_

_Fili be quiet._

_It echoed in his head. The guilt, the pain, the shame, all of it filled up his soul and froze his voice._

_Fili vowed he wouldn't speak again until he saw his brother walk._

888

It's funny, how things work in life.

It's all a tumble of if's and buts

If Dis and Thorin hadn't moved Kili to the doctor's, Kili still may have had the use of his legs.

If Kili hadn't build that swing the day before, he may have never have fallen from the tree house in the first place.

If Fili had been there just a few seconds quicker, Kili would have been saved.

If Fili had just grabbed onto him.

If Fili had been blocking the door.

Kili would still be able to walk.

Fili never forgave himself for it. The guilt bubbled up in his chest and weighed him down like a thousand coins.

He worked silently in Thorin's shop, learning the ins and outs of craft making. He never once visited Kili while he was bedridden. He couldn't face the look on his mothers face. It was too much for him to bare. So he worked silently at his desk.

Sketching, drawing, creating until it was time for Thorin to take him home.

It was Kili's chair swing that gave him the idea for the wheel-chair. Fili had thought, if a chair could hang like a swing, why couldn't it have wheels like a wagon? Then, Kili would be able to get around without Oin or Thorin carrying him.

Fili sketched the idea out on a pad of paper, and when it was time for Thorin to pack up shop for the day, he shyly showed it to his uncle.

Thorin was a very down to earth dwarf. He cared for none of the drama and nonsense of the other dwarfs and was often found defending his nephews. It was not Fili's fault. It wasn't anybodies fault that this misfortune fell upon the sons of Durin.

It was an accident.

Thorin spent most of his time trying to convince Fili of this. It was not his fault, he had no reason to feel guilty because it was an accident. Fili was not to blame at all for it. Infact, if Fili hadn't called them so fast, Kili could have died.

So when Fili showed Thorin his plans for his little brother, Thorin was more than pleased with the creativity of his eldest nephew.

"This is lovely, Lad. Tomorrow I'll show you how to use the welder and we can get started." Thorin had told him.

Fili nodded. When he stopped talking, he had also stopped smiling, but he was please none the less.

 


	2. Birthday Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years past, and Kili thrives despite his disability.

Fili would never forget the look of pure joy on Kili's face when he presented the chair to his little brother.

It was truly a work of art, with two big wheels holding up an old vintage chair, and a single small wheel in the front for balance and steering. A small wood platform rested on the wheel axels so Kili could rest his feet while he was pushed around.

Kili was enthusiastic about the chair, and overjoyed about his newly found freedom that his brother had give him.

Soon, Kili could be seen racing down the small town streets lighting speed in his chair, his brown hair flipping the wind and a whoop of joy on his lips.

And every so often a blonde blur would be seen running after his brother, not quite smiling but never the less a look of joy on his face.

"Catch me if you can, brother! For I am an racing gelding today!" Kili would cry as he sped down the street and turned a corner with the grace of a racing horse.

Fili would shake his head and follow his wild brother, feeling happy that Kili was mobile again but guilty that it had to be this way.

888

Years passed, and soon many would forget that Kili was ever disabled, for the lad was always adventuring. Down the creek, up the hill, hunting, fighting, even swinging from the trees. He had perfected his new mobility, and was often faster than the most trained dwarf warrior. Dwalin, the training master would often be heard shouting curses to the wind as Kili flipped around him, striking him on the behind with a training sword and laughing manically.

Kili was by and by, and very happy dwarf. He couldn't remember very much of his childhood that involved him on two legs, and he preferred it that way. He could do anything the other dwarves could do, sometimes even better and he was proud of that.

It was the morning of Fili's 65th birthday, a joyous day in kuzedule culture for it marked the end of childhood and the start of adulthood for dwarves, Kili had made something very special for his brother; a twin pair of throwing swords, forged in the very smiths that made his Uncle's prized weaponry. He was proud of it, and felt that it was something that finally worth the gift that his brother had given him long ago. Even though, the chair had been molded and grafted into something of Kili's own design by now.

Kili rolled into the kitchen and smiled when he saw his older brother drinking coffee on the breakfast table.

"Happy birthday, brother. It's a fine day to turn 65." Kili said brightly, motioning to the bright morning sun coming in from the windows.

Fili nodded and gave him a little wave.

"You know, now that you are finally an adult it would be wonderful to hear you speak. I am just as healed as any." Kili said lightly, looking over at his brother and knowing that Fili would just shake his head and not mutter a sound.

"But if you feel like this is not the right time, please go ahead and stay silent. You know me, I'm not one to push. I like you anyway you are, as long as I can still call you my brother." Kili added, giving Fili a quick squeeze on the hand.

Fili squeezed his hand back, and then tapped the table twice, indicating that he wanted Kili to sit with him while they ate breakfast.

Kili knew his brother still blamed himself for the accident all those years ago, but he never understand why he stopped talking. It seemed that whatever had paralyzed his legs, had also paralyzed his brother's voice. Kili looked forward to the day when his brother finally opened his mouth and spoke, but he didn't push him to speak. Fili would speak when he felt ready, and Kili would be there to listen.

They ate in comfortable silence, and when they were done Kili pulled out his journal, a bottle of ink and a quil. Opening up to a new page, he wrote down;

**_Hi._ **

Then flipped it over for Fili to see. Fili nodded, and then took the quil from Kili.

_Hi Kili._

They wrote back and forth, like they did every morning.

**_Happy birthday!_ **

_Thanks!_

**_Do you have plans for today?_ **

_I might go for a walk. Want to come?_

**_Sure. I'll roll anywhere with you_ ** _._

_How did I end up with such a sweet brother?_

**_I ate all of Ori's chocolates when I was just a babe._ **

Kili snorted a little and smudged the words. Fili looked up at him and shook his head. And even though his lips weren't smiling, Kili could tell his eyes were.

**_I wish I could remember your voice. It's been so long._ **

_Me too._

**_I wish I could hear you speak._ **

_I know._

**_So do Ma and Uncle Thorin._ **

_I know._

This was almost a daily ritual, but Fili was as stubborn as dwarves come. He would not speak until Kili could walk again, and they both knew that was never going to happen. It would take a miracle for either one to happen.

"Ah, I see I have interrupted your morning ritual. Should I return later?" a voice said, making both dwarves jump.

"Mr. Dwalin! It is so good to see you!" Kili said for both of them, turning his chair around and grinning and the training master.

Dwalin skitted around Kili, he had had one too many run ins with the lad to know that if he didn't want bruised shins he should walk with a wide berth around Kili.

Dwalin smiled at Fili, "Happy Birthday, Mr. Fili. You have finally come of age. I think it's time we started training with the real swords. How would you like that?"

Fili's eyes lit up, and he nodded proudly. He had been training very hard with Dwalin for the past 20 years, and now the time had finally paid off.

"You lads have any plans today?"

"Fili and I were going to take the land path to the lake after breakfast. We'll be back in time for the celebration though." Kili answered for them.

Dwalin nodded, "Make sure you do. Thorin has quite the surprise for you."

He winked at Kili, and then nodded at Fili. Dwalin know that Thorin planned to take them both for the quest of Erebor, but the lads didn't. It was going to be a surprise for them; theyre first big adventure into the Real World. Thorin hoped it would round them out and fill them up.

Dwalin knew Thorin was proud of his lads even though they both suffered through hardships, they had come out strong on the other side. Thorin only wished to see Fili smiling again, and to see Kili totally pain free. Dwalin had been there for them, through the good days and through the bad. Fortunately for them they have had more good then bad days this past year. Dwalin would had to see them spiral back downwards again and he hoped that this quest would permanently vanquish those bad days for good.

"Alrightly lads. Be sure you are home for the celebration. I'll be out in the forge if you need anything." Dwalin said, and then with a slight bow he left the kitchen.

Kili looked at his brother, "well, shall we get started?"

Fili nodded, and they were off to begin their Birthday Adventure.


	3. Chapter 4

Kili rolled forward out onto the wood lined trail, and then stopped to wait for Fili to catch up with him. Fili walked up to him and put his hands on Kili's shoulder, asking in his own way if he could push Kili down the path.

Kili hated being pushed by anyone but Fili. It made him feel dependent, and to him that was the worst feeling in the world. Beneath the laughter and the smiles Kili was still scared of being helpless, and he hated letting things go out of his control. But things were different with Fili, who was so gentle with him that he couldn't help but feel safe when his big brother was with him.

He only wished Fili would speak to him.

"Sure, brother. You know I only let you do it." Kili answered, pulling his hands from the wheels and letting Fili push him down the path. It was nice to not have to push for once, and Kili felt himself relaxing. He always enjoyed this quiet strolls with Fili, even though the conversations were always one sided. Fili was a very good listener, and he never made Kili feel bad for not being able to do something.

When they reached the lake, Fili rolled Kili to the edge of the dock and then put the brakes on for Kili on the chair.

The lake was smooth as glass, and it cast a perfect reflection of a crystal blue sky.

Fili fiddled with a buckle on the chair, a piece Kili had added on last week to hold his bag as he rolled and then tucked it back into where it belonged.

He patted the chair, and then pulled a stool over and sat down next to Kili.

Kili watched his big brother in silence. As much as Fili tried to hid it, Kili could just tell his brother just looked….sad, and riddled with the ever lasting guilt that seemed to never go away. It pained Kili to see his brother suffer so, especially when Fili had done so much to ensure Kili's happiness. His mother said it was because Fili blamed himself for Kili's accident, but Kili knew it was something deeper than that. What else happened to Fili?

Kili may never know.

"Are you excited, to finally be of age?" Kili asked

Fili nodded.

"You can finally buy ale by yourself."

Another nod.

"What do you think uncle has planned for us?"

A shrug.

"I hope it's an adventure. I would love to explore whats beyond the hills. Wouldn't you?"

Fili looked up and nodded. He motioned for the quill and journal.

_I think you will have wonderful adventures. Even if Thorin only plans to take you to the Iron Hills and back._

"As long as you are with me, brother I don't care where we go."

Fili frowned.

_You'd really want me to come? After what I did?_

Kili raised his eyesbrows, "Of course. You are my brother, my best friend. I couldn't imagine going anywhere without you."

_You would have fun with or without me._

"I'd have more if youd come."

_I don't know._

"Why are you so unsure? You are a great traveling companion. We've been all over these hills together."

_The last time we went on a "grand" adventure, I let you fall._

"Don't start this again, Fili. You know it wasn't your fault. You're coming whether you like it or not. Even if I have to shackle you to this chair!" he laughed a little, Fili shook his head and looked down at the ground. It was his way of laughing, even though Kili hadn't seen him smile since The Accident.

Kili reached out and touched his brother's shoulder. "Don't worry, I have a feeling we have lot's of grand adventures infront of us."

Fili nodded.

_Me too._


	4. Chapter 4

Thorin paced the room with heavy footsteps. He was excited to tell his nephews of his quest for Erebor, but nervous about how they would accept his invitation. He wasn't too worried about Kili—who could easily maneuver the wilderness with that chair of his, but more so worried about Fili, and the fact that the lad hadn't spoken in more than three decades.

Watching the lads grow up had been both joyful and painful for Thorin. His heart ached when he saw Kili in the chair, knowing that the lad would never be able to use his legs again made him feel sad, and the weight hung on his chest like an anvil on a rope. Kili was a kindred spirit though, taking on each new challenge like it was an adventure of it's own. It was still difficult for Kili to do some things, like climb a tree, or hunt stealthily through a dense forest but Kili managed to always find a creative solution to his problems and his smile never faded. He was never jealous of the other dwarf lads who could walk and run down the street, and his confidence earned him a well deserved respect amongst the other lads. He was the most skilled archer in the range, and took pride in teaching the younger dwarflings how to shoot a boy and arrow.

It was only when he was alone, in the presence of his immediate family that Kili removed his mask. Only Thorin knew that Kili had terrible back pain, and often had to take sleeping herbs at night. Only Thorin knew that Kili absolutely refused help from anybody and threw fits when Dis or himself tried to help him. But they learned to act around Kili's stubbornness, and all was well.

Thorin also saw Kili's ache for adventure, which was why he so desperately wanted Kili to come with him on this voyage. He was worried though, for Kili loved his brother and would not go unless Fili came too.

Fili was a whole other handful. The lad was kind, but was also scared. Kili's accident so many years ago had changed him in a way that Thorin could not explain. Fili was shy, and timid. Only doing what was asked of him, and never going out on a limb to take risks.

While Kili had learned; jump, fly, risk it all and you may fall you will still succeed if you take the leap, Fili had learned; don't jump, don't go out on the limp, hide, stay invisible and you wont get hurt.

Fili had learned the wrong lesson! And no matter how hard Thorin tried to tell the lad that it was not his fault, Fili still blamed himself for Kili's injuries. They had just been dwarflings themselves when Kili had fallen, how could Fili still think they blamed him? Thorin had tried everything to get him to speak, but he couldn't seem to break down that barrier. Fili's voice had frozen solid the day Kili's legs were paralyzed. There was nothing Thorin could do but wait, and be supportive of Fili's decision to remain silent.

Thorin looked up at the door as it opened and nodded hello to his nephews.

The time had come to tell them on his quest.

Thorin smiled and offered Fili a seat. "Happy Birthday, nephew. 65 is a good year for a dwarf, I hope it treats you well." Thorin told him.

Fili nodded his head and sat down.

Kili rolled in next to his brother and set the breaks on his chair.

"Kili, it is not but half past eleven, have you already gotten yourself into an adventure?" Thorin asked with a half smile, eyeing Kili's windblown hair and flushed cheeks.

"Nah, Uncle. Fili and raced back from the pond. I won, as usual even though I tried to give him a chance to win, since it is his birthday and all."

Thorin shook his head, "You are too good of a brother, Fili."

Fili blushed and looked down at the table.

"Ma said you had an exciting tale to tell us." Kili said, rapping his knuckles and looking expectedly up at Thorin.

"Aye. I do."

"Well, do tell us! I do not think I can wait any longer!"

Thorin chuckled, Kili was always so excited about everything.

"Oin has read the signs, and he has told me now that the time is right to reclaim our homeland."

Kili furrowed his brow, "Ered Luin?-"

"The Lonely Mountain."

Kili's eyes widened in shock, and excitement. "Erebor? Uncle you are lying!"

"I was at the tavern not too long ago, and I ran into a strange fellow by the name of Gandalf. He offered his assistance and guidance if I formed a group of twelve to take siege on the mountain and conquer the dragon. I agreed."

"Have you chosen your thirteen companions?" Kili asked, leaning forward.

"Aye. There is myself, Dwalin, Balin, Oin, Gloin, Bifur, Bofur, Bomber, Ori, Nori, and Ori."

Thorin watched as Kili carefully counted on his fingers.

"You are two short of thirteen."

"Aye. I am aware. That's why I wanted to speak with you and Fili. I want you to company me on this journey as the heirs of Durin. When we reach the mountain, you both will reclaim your roles as princes of Erebor. What say you? Will you take your rightful place as my heir?" Thorin asked, pride filling his voice.

Kili stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Uncle. I would be honored! But—" he motioned towards his chair in a rare moment of vulnerability.

"We will make due. I know you, Kili. You are strong. You can do this, I know you can. But my faith is not an excuse to slack on this journey. It will be difficult, and you will be tested. I do believe that it will be worth it, in the end. So tell me, what say you?"

Kili paused for a moment, and then looked up at his brother.

"Fili?" he asked, his eyes asking silent questions.

Fili stared at him for a moment, and then shook his head slightly.

"What? Fili, come on—" Kili started, grabbing his brother's hand. Fili jerked his hand away, and Thorin saw conflict flash through his eldest nephew's face. He wished again for the thousandth time that Fili would speak his mind, but the lad stayed silent.

Fili stood up, and his eyes met Thorin's. He bowed his head lightly, asking in his way to be excused. Thorin nodded, he could tell Fili needed to think things over before he said he would come.

"We'll see you for supper." Thorin told him gently, and then Fili was gone in a flash of gold and curls.

Kili looked up at Thorin with a furrowed brow.

"Why—"

"I don't know. He still battles with himself over The Accident. Give him some time, he'll come around."

"I hope so. I thought he would be excited to go on an adventure."

Thorin sighed a sad sigh.

"Me too, Kili. Me too."


	5. Chapter 5

Fili's footsteps thudded through the empty forest trail as he ran as fast as he could. He had to get away. He wish he could keep running away forever, away from the pain, the guilt, the shame.

Thorin wanted him. _Him._ Why? He was so tainted, fouled by an event that never should have happened. How could uncle trust him to be on a quest, what if something went wrong? What if Kili got injured? Again? He could barely live with himself now, how could he if Kili got hurt?

A stitch in his side caused him to slow to a walk. He sighed and looked around the darkening forest, trying to catch his breath. There was a lump in his throat he couldn't get rid of, no matter how hard he tried.

Some birthday this was. He let out a sigh, and was caught off guard by slight sound his throat made. He hadn't heard his voice in so long. He wished for the millionth time that the guilt would vanish, maybe then his voice would return fully to him.

He sat down on a patch of grass near the lake and threw a small pebble in the water. Why did Thorin always have so much faith in him? It was a weird thing to lament about, but Fili felt that he didn't deserve Thorin's faith. He should have been cast out the day he let Kili fall! He should never have been allowed to be around him after what he did, yet Thorin welcomed him with open arms. Why? Because he was heir to the throne of Durin? No. How could he possibly be a prince?

It never made any sense to him. And the fact that Kili was doing so well only eased his guilt a little. Fili had watched him grow up, and he did feel very proud of his brother do adapting so well. Kili never lost his sense for adventure, even though he had lost so much already. Fili remembered the look of joy in Kili's eyes as Thorin had spoken about the quest. Kili really wanted to go, Fili could tell. He should go, he deserved to go on all the adventures that he wanted. But would he go without Fili?

Kili always looked up to Fili, and was always there for him. Fili knew it was because Kili simply did not know what happened, Thorin had never told him how he had lost his legs, and Fili dreaded the day Kili found out. Would Kili still follow his big brother so loyally after he found out what Fili did? Fili highly doubted it. Kili's eyes would go cold, and that would be the end of their brotherhood. Fili would hate to see that, so silent he remained.

Fili thought again of the quest. He longed to see Erebor. Like all dwarves raised in Ered Luin, Fili had grown up hearing the grand tales of the Lonely Mountain from his elders. He especially loved hearing Balin tell stories of the old mines in Erebor, full of treasure waiting to be unearthed by dwarf miners. In his mind's eye he saw himself uncovering the mine that held the Arkenstone and his heart swelled with longing. He wanted to be there with his Uncle when Erebor was reclaimed. He wanted to go, he truly did—

"I thought I would find you here." Fili jumped at the voice, and then turned around to see Kili sitting there in his chair a few feet away from him. How did he always manage to sneak up on people so silently?

"May I join you?" he asked, and Fili nodded. Kili rolled over to where Fili was sitting and then locked the chair's wheels into place.

"You've been thinking about the quest, haven't you?" Kili asked. He always knew what Fili was thinking.

Fili just shrugged.

"I told Thorin I wouldn't go if you did." Kili said.

Fili's eyes flashed up. _No! No, he can't sacrifice his one chance of adventure because of me. I wont let him!_

"Whoa. It's alright, brother. Because I've come here to convince you to come with me. It will be fine, I promise."

Fili shrugged, and then looked away from Kili. What was with him always being so optimistic about everything?

"Hey. Look at me." Kili paused, and Fili finally looked up.

"You need this, Fili. I can tell. Please brother, come with me. I can't do it without you." Kili pleaded softly.

Fili sighed, and then gave a small nod.

Kili smiled, they were finally going on an adventure!

888

Bilbo Baggins couldn't be more flustered. The two dwarves in his pantry weren't answering any of his questions. What was going on? Why was his pantry being raided, and why wont the damn doorbell stop ringing! What was going on?!

He opened the door for what seemed like the millionth time (even though it was only the third time) that night and wasn't exactly surprised to see two more dwarves standing at his doorstep. Or atleast, one was standing, the other was sitting in an odd contraption—something that looked like a chair on wheels.

"Kili, and Fili at your service." The one in the chair said with a smile. Pointing to himself, and then to his blonde partner, who just nodded silently.

"You must be Mr. Boggins." The dark haired one said

Bilbo huffed, "I'm sorry you've come to the wrong house."

The one is the chair puffed up to full height, "What? It hasn't been canceled has it?"

"No! nothings been canceled…"

"Well, that's a relief" and with that, the dwarf grabbed the wheels on his chair, and rolled right through the door, barely missing Bilbo's toes.

"hey! Watch it!" Bilbo shouted after him.

The blonde one then handed him a bunch of knifes without saying a word, then headed down the hallway towards the other dwarves.

"He just had those sharpened, you may want to be careful." the one in the chair said with a sly smile. He turned the chair around in a few circles, and Bilbo couldn't help but stare. It was the oddest thing he had seen all day.

"Nice place you got here-what?" the dwarf asked

Bilbo shrugged and looked away, "Nothing, nothing. Be careful with the carpet, it's original."

"You were staring at me!" the dwarf accused

"No I wasn't!" Bilbo shot back

"Yes you were!"

"I—" Bilob stumbled, trying to remain polite, "I've never seen anything like that before. That's all."

"I'll take that as a compliant. Now, point in the direction of the food, Mr. Boggins. I am very hunhgry!" the dwarf said with a laugh.

Bilbo stared at the departing dwarf, slightly dumbfounded. This was going to be a very interesting night.

The night blurred by so fast that Bilbo couldn't even keep track. First they were singing, then some bloke named Thorin showed up, and then Bilbo fainted. Before he knew what was happening, Bilbo found himself riding on a pony in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of dwarves and a very befuddled wizard.

And to top his wonderful week off, it had begun to rain.

Bilbo was definitely not happy about this at all, and was extremely relieved when Thorin called back to the company that there were stopping for the night. Atleast Bilbo now could finally get some sleep.

Bilbo watched as his companions readied the came, and suddenly felt completely useless. They all had their jobs, and each dwarf worked effortlessly to fufill his task. Bombur cooked, Ori and Nori set up the bedrolls, Balin pulled out tobacco weed from his purse etc.

_Well here I am, being as useful as a sack of potatoes._ Bilbo thought sullenly

The only two who couldn't figure out were the young brothers that had arrived after Dwalin. What were they're names? Fili and Kili, yes. Tthat was it. Bilbo watched as Kili rolled back and forth in his chair, telling a story and laughing at himself as Fili stacked utensils for Bombur. By now Bilbo had figured out that Kili used the chair because he lost the use of his legs, and it truly surprised him to see how well Kili got a long by himself.

"Well, I'm not going to be useless if I can help it." Bilbo thought as he watched Kili pick up firewood and decided to go help him.

Bilbo approached him shyly, Kili saw him and smiled.

"Evening, Master Baggins. Finding everything alright?" Kili said as he leaned down and grabbed another large piece of wood.

"Evening Kili. Yes, I feel kind of useless though at the moment. Mind if I help you with collecting wood?" Bilbo asked.

Kili shrugged, "Sure."

They walked and rolled silently for a few moments until they found a nice pile of wood.

"Are you sure we're not too far from camp?" Bilbo asked nervously.

"Have no fear, Master Baggins. There is no danger here, and besides if anything does come up, I will shoot it." Kili answered with a smile. He then grabbed a large piece, much to large to do anyone any good and put it on his lap, which was now very full.

"Here, let me help. I'll push for you." Bilbo insisted, stepping forward.

"No, no it's alright. I've got it." Kili insisted.

"No you don't, here just…come here!" Bilbo made a grab for the chair handles.

"Let go! I'm perfectly fine!"

Kili jerked the chair with his free hand, the wheel struck a stray rock and send both him and the hobbit flying.

Kili glared at Bilbo, "Look what you've done! Maybe you should go back to being useless, Master Hobbit." He sneered as he pushed himself up to sitting. He leaned backward and grabbed the chair with the tip of his fingers, pulling it closer to him.

Bilbo stood up from the ground and brushed the dirt off of his clothes. He saw Kili laying on the ground, legs crumbled beneath him.

"I am so sorry, Kili. Here let me help-"

Kili sighed, "I think you've helped enough for one night."

He grabbed the chair and attempted to pull himself up, but the chair slid from underneath his grasp and he fell again. Bilbo rushed to him.

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry Kili, I—"

"Go."

"What?"

"Go. Bring the firewood to the site. I'll be there an a second."

"I'm not just going to leave…"

"Go. Now!"

"I'm just trying to help"

"I don't need your help. I don't need anybody's help. Now leave me!" Kili said, his voice cold and murderous.

Bilbo froze. Even as a hobbit, he knew better than to disobey a voice like that. He bowed his head.

"As you wish."

Then he turned away and started walking back to camp. After a few moments of silence he heard a shaky sob emerge from the dark forest.

_Oh dear gods, what have I done?_


	6. Chapter 6

The quest for Fili so far has been uneventful. The group-probably under Thorin's command to remain quiet- never questioned his silence. Even Bilbo, who was a curiosity himself, seemed quiet when it came to the golden haired dwarf. Maybe that had something to do with the incident night before involving Kili and Bilbo, Fili still wasn't clear on what had happened, but he did know that it had made Kili upset and that was a cause for concern. Despite this drama, Fili truly appreciated the silence, but at the same time he couldn't help but feel a sense of isolation. Only Kili would make an effort to engage him, and that worried Fili some, because what if they all knew that Kili's handicap was his fault? Were they all silently judging him? Fili tried to keep this anxiety to a murmur but sometimes it was hard to not feel just a bit paranoid.

"Fili, Kili. Go grab the plates from the ponies for Bombur. Supper is almost ready." Thorin commanded, jolting Fili from his thoughts.

The small group was settling into their camp for the night. The ponies were tied down to a few redwood trees that overlooked a small cliff, and the rapidly flowing Brandywine River. Kili sped before Fili, rolling over to the first pony with a look that clearly said "Haha I beat you!". Fili shook his head, his brother always seemed to want to prove that he was just as fast as the rest of them.

"He always makes us get the plates, but it always seems like we are the last to be served. That doesn't sound right, does it brother?" Kili asked with a small smile.

Fili shook his head softly. His brother always found something to bellyache about.

Suddenly, a rock flung from the direction if the camp and hit one of the ponies on the rear. Fluttercup, the pony neighed with fright and started struggling wildly against the reigns that attached it to the ground. Kili quickly grabbed Fluttercup's reins to try to calm the poor pony down but in it's panic it sipped over the damp moss covered rocks and plummeted into the rushing river below, pulling Kili out of his chair and half of the supplies with it.

Fili acted within an instant.

"Kili!" he shouted before he could stop himself, the ice melting in his chest just for a moment as pure adrenaline raced through his body. His only thoughts were that he must save his little brother as he raced to the edge and looked over the cliff.

"Help! Help us! Come quick, Kili's fallen into the river!" Fili shouted at the top of his lungs. Without waiting to see if the others heard, he then jumped into the river.

For a moment, the only thing Fili could see was the white foam of the water. The only thing he could hear was the rumble of the river. He couldn't breathe, and felt a widening sense of panic as the water swept him away with a force he could not stop. Then his head broke surface and he gasped for air.

"Kili! Kili where are you?!" he shouted, looking around as the white water swept him down river.

"Fili! Help!" he heard, he looked straight ahead and saw Kili gripping a slippery rock, desperately trying to hold on.

"I'm coming, Kili!" Fili shouted back. Fili fought hard against the current, his legs were burning, and he could feel sharp rocks as they cut into the skin of his torso and arms. But he didn't care, none of that mattered. All that mattered was saving Kili.

Fili reached the rock that Kili was clinging on to for dear life. He reached for his brother's hand and Kili gripped it.

"Oh thank the gods you are here. I'm so scared, Fili." Kili said, his brown eyes wide with stress and panic.

"It's going to be okay." Fili said, once again before he could stop himself, before his mind caught up with his heart and forced him to remain silent. Kili needed to know that everything was going to be okay, he needed to hear it from his big brother. That's all it took for the guilt to lessen just a little bit in Fili's chest, allowing his voice to be heard after all these years.

Kili smiled, despite their dire circumstance.

"You're talking." He said.

Fili returned the smile shyly, "I know."

Kili slipped a little on the rock, but Fili adjusted his grip on Kili's arm and they held firm. Fili could only imagine how scary this was for Kili, who couldn't swim at all, who could only use his arms to keep his head above the water.

Kili looked at Fili, panic in his eyes. "Don't let go."

"I won't." Fili said.

Kili smiled at him. "I know."

"Fili! Kili! Over here!" A voice shouted, and Fili looked over to his left to see Thorin and the entire company looking down at them from the cliff above.

"Are you two okay?" Thorin shouted

"Yes!" Kili shouted back

"Catch the rope!" Thorin commanded, and then he threw a thick rope their way. Fili quickly grabbed it and maneuvered himself so he could tie it tightly around Kili's waist. Kili gripped the rope as the current tugged him away from the rock, but it held strong.

"Don't let go of the rope, and don't struggle. Let them pull you up." Fili instructed Kili softly.

"What about you?" Kili asked.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry." Fili said as he gripped the slippery rock.

"Be careful, Fili." Kili said, and then he gripped the rope as the others pulled him up over the cliff. Fili watched as his brother was pulled up to safely and suddenly felt a pang of panic as he realized that this was the first time he had spoken in over twenty years. He had no idea how the others would take it. Would they expect him to catch them up with twenty years of thoughts? What if he just went back to being silent? He had vowed to himself he wouldn't speak until Kili could walk again, and he had broken that vow. Was it worth it? Fili knew that if he hadn't shouted, Kili would be gone…

-Then the rope splashed in his face.

"Come on Fili, don't let go!" he heard shouts as he gripped the rope with all of his strength and let the others pull him up out of the river, over the cliff and onto the grass. The evening light shown on his face as he looked up at the golden sky and gasped for breathe. He had almost died, but he had saved Kili. This time he didn't let go! He felt warm hands sitting him up, and another pair of hands wrapping a thick blanket around him. He looked around, looking for Kili.

"Kili is safe. Dwalin carried him back to camp. Thank goodness his chair didn't go over. He said he saw the pony go further downstream, Ori and Nori are looking for it right now." Thorin said, kneeling down and patting Fili's shoulder. Fili just nodded, like he always did. He shivered and pulled the blanket closer around him.

"Are you hurt?" Thorin asked

Fili shook his head.

"Can you walk?" he asked

Fili nodded.

"You were very brave, Fili. You saved your brother's life. And if we hadn't heard you shout for help, we would have never gotten here on time. You are a true hero, nephew." Thorin said, patting his shoulder again.

Fili nodded again, not looking Thorin in the eye.

"You did good, Fili. We are all proud of you." Thorin said

"And it was nice to hear your voice, after all these years. I hope that we'll be hearing more of it—you as we go on this quest." He finished.

Fili just nodded, suddenly feeling extremely shy and self conscious. What if Thorin didn't like what he had to say? Maybe he would just stay quiet. For now, at least.

Then, footsteps and hooves clicking made them both look up. Nori and Ori were walking back, soaking wet but holding Fluttercup.

"We found her! But alas, all the supplies attached to her saddle are long gone." Nori said sadly. Fili felt his heart drop a little, part of the supplies on Fluttercup's saddle had been Oin's medicine kit with the herbs Kili needed to sleep at night. After all these years, Kili still had terrible back pain, and he needed something to help him sleep.

"Worry not, we will resupply in the next town. If that wizard ever gets us to it." Thorin said reassuringly. He tapped Fili on the shoulder.

"Come, let's walk back to the camp together. I'm sure you all want to get into dry clothes."

Fili stood up silently, and followed his uncle and the pony back to camp.

Later that night after they had eaten dinner and washed up the plates, Fili sat with his back against one of the redwood trees and smoked his pipe silently. He and Kili were supposed to be sleeping, but he couldn't even close his eyes, so awake he stayed. He had too much to think about. The days evens ran over and over through his head, and he wondered if he was actually a true hero or not. It was his fault that Kili was in the chair in the first place, had he redeemed himself at all? Maybe just a little bit, but Kili still wasn't walking and Fili knew he would never be totally guilt free until he saw his brother stand.

Much to Kili's dismay, Fili hadn't spoken a word that night. And even though the company had heard him yell for help, they still treated him the same way as they did before. Only Kili, who had heard Fili's voice up close questioned his brother on his silence. Fili had just shaken his head though, to him it was not the right time, nor place for him to speak yet.

"Fili?" a small pained whisper drifted up through the darkness, and Fili felt fingers tugging at his sleeves. Fili looked down and saw Kili looking up at him, eyes glinting softly in the moonlight.

"I can't sleep…it hurts." He whispered, and Fili knew that his brother was feeling the pain in his lower back that inflicted him every night. Usually Oin's herbs helped, but they had lost that in the river.

Fili took his brother's hand and rubbed the top of it with his thumb, trying to comfort him.

They were silent for a few moments, then Kili winced and looked up at Fili.

"Would you sing for me, brother? Like mother used to do when we were little? Maybe that will help ease me off to sleep." Kili asked.

Fili hesitated, and then looked down at Kili.

"Please? I know you can. I just want to hear your voice again." He pleaded. Fili sighed, he didn't even know if he could speak even if he wanted to. He had been silent for so long. He wanted his brother to be happy though, and that desire felt stronger than the guilt that was holding him back.

"I was so happy to hear you speak today, even if it was just a few words. Please, for me-" Kili broke off in a wince and Fili felt his brother's fingers tremble.

Fili sighed softly. He wanted to sing for his brother, he truly did but something was holding him back. Was it the guilt? His voice still felt frozen solid inside his chest even though he had felt it thaw slightly today.

It was Kili's whimper that finally made him open his mouth and start humming the lullaby that their mother sang to them when they were little. He just wanted Kili to be happy and pain free. That's all he wanted.

Eventually his humming turned to soft words that floated over the moonlit campsite

_Home is behind, the world ahead,_

_And there are many paths to tread_

_Through shadows to the edge of night,_

_Until the stars are all alight._

_Then world behind and home ahead,_

_We'll wander back to home and bed.(1)_

Fili smiled slightly as he felt something defrosting slowly in his chest, maybe just maybe things were getting better. And as he sang he realized that he didn't need to see his brother again to speak, he just needed to see Kili be a peace just as he was now.

888


	7. Chapter 7

Thorin heaved a heavy sigh as he watched Gandalf stock off in a huff. Wizards. When did they become to rulers of this world? He shook his head, he had plenty to deal with on his plate now, without some bothersome wizard to add complications.

Fili was talking again.

Kind of.

He hadn't said a word since that night where he had sung his brother a lullaby. The next day Thorin had tried to speak with the lad, but Fili was silent as ever. It was as if the events of yesterday had never happened.

Thorin sighed again.

"Come on Bombur, we're hungry." He said, starting giving orders for the night.

"Fili! Kili!" he waited until one of his nephews look his way, "Look after the ponies, and make sure they don't get away this time!" he told them.s

Kili nodded and gave him a nod, Thorin watched them coral the ponies and bring them towards the small river (much smaller than last times). When they had gone from sight, he turned from them and started setting up his camp for the night.

Trouble started much earlier than usual that night when Fili came hurtling into their camp sight, wide eyed and out of breath.

"Fili! What is it lad?"

"What's wrong?"

"You look like someone's scared the living daylights out of you!"

"Tharkûn, zâram?"

The company chimed in, but Fili shook his head.

"Trolls. Bilbo's in danger. Come!" he said, and then he took off again.

Bofur stood up and grabbed his axe.

"Well, come on lads!" he shouted. And with a flurry of weapons, boots and steal the company took off after Fili. Thorin barely had time to grab his sword and lace his shoes as he raced behind them to save the hobbit.

They met Kili in a small dark clearing, as they gathered, Thorin heard the trolls tromping around, grumbling about this and that.

Bofur looked at Thorin, "So, what's the plan?"

Thorin slowly peered out into the bushes.

"Surprise attack. Get Bilbo, free the ponies and run as fast as you can. We cannot afford a delay."

"Got it."

Thorin looked back at the group.

"Kili, and Fili. Good work. Now go back to camp, we left it unguarded."

Kili's eyes widened and glinted in the dark light.

"What? NO! We found the trolls, we want to fight!"

"No Kili, it's too dangerous for you." Thorin answered, holding up his hand.

"For me?! What's that supposed to mean?" Kili shot back with a glare.

"You are to stay-"

"No." Kili answered, and with a flick of his hair he rolled out into the clearing.

"NO! KILI!" Thorin shouted too loudly, but then he heard one of the trolls squeal.

"Drop him!" he heard Kili shout.

"What?" one of the trolls answered.

"I said, drop him."

This was as good as any of a time to lead an attack, Thorin pulled out his sword.

"On three. One…."

"THREE!" Dwalin shouted, and then jumped out into the clearing.

And the battle was on.

Unfortunately for this little group, it did not last long though. Within ten minutes the trolls had Bilbo strung up, and for the sake of the little hobbit Thorin had to surrender. Now he found himself in a dire situation, hoping for a miracle. And to make it worse, the trolls seemed fixated on Kili, and the chair;

"Hey, look at this little fella." One said

"He seems different, eh?" another one answered.

"Why 'choo sittin in that chair for?" the third one asked

Kili continued to glare, and not say a word.

" Stand up and fight like a man!" the leader of the troll pack shouted with a wicked grin on his face.

"Look at him rollin' around like a little dolly" the second in command laughed.

He gave Kili a rough shove and Kili winced as he rolled forward a few yards.

"No! Stop!" Thorin cried, but the troll stepped out in front of him , blocking him from Kili.

"Go on then, stand up and fight!" he said again.

Kili shook his head.

"No?"

"I cant" it came out as a quiet thin whisper and Thorin felt his heart break for his nephew.

The troll raised his brow.

"You cant?"

Kili shook his head, hair falling over his face, and Tom grinned an evil smile.

"Looking here Bert, we have a dwarf who can't walk. Now, where's the honor in that?" he said

"I say he's bluffing!" Bert said and he gave Kili's chair a hard push. The chair wobbled, but managed to stay erect.

"I have an idea! Let's have a little game—a little wager between three friends. Let's see how long he can stand. Winning bet gets him for supper!"

"Excellent idea, Tom!" Bert said

"I've never had a lame dwarf before. Will he taste the same?" William (the third troll) asked, poking Kili's legs with his stubby fingers.

Tom just smiled "Let's find out then"

He reached over with one massive hand and pulled Kili out of the chair and up to standing.

"No! Kili!" This time it was Fili who shouted. Thorin watched as Fili struggled past the others to get to his brother, but he was caught by the third troll before he could reach Kili.

"Hey! Stop that!" he said, shaking Fili by the cuff of his shirt.

The leader paused, then smiled devilishly. He pushed Kili over and held him down with his boot.

"Tie them up in those old burlap bags. We don't want them escaping while we play our games with this one here." He ordered.

"Good idea, Tom. I'll get those for you." Bert said.

"William! Round them up"

Bert threw a coil of rope.

"Make sure they don't get away."

Tom pressed his foot down harder on Kili's chest, making him wince loudly.

"And if you even think about escaping, this one here will be the first we squash into jelly!" He sneered at the group as William rounded them up, preventing any chance of escape.

888


	8. Chapter 8

Thorin heaved a heavy sigh as he watched Gandalf stock off in a huff. Wizards. When did they become to rulers of this world? He shook his head, he had plenty to deal with on his plate now, without some bothersome wizard to add complications.

Fili was talking again.

Kind of.

He hadn't said a word since that night where he had sung his brother a lullaby. The next day Thorin had tried to speak with the lad, but Fili was silent as ever. It was as if the events of yesterday had never happened.

Thorin sighed again.

"Come on Bombur, we're hungry." He said, starting giving orders for the night.

"Fili! Kili!" he waited until one of his nephews look his way, "Look after the ponies, and make sure they don't get away this time!" he told them.s

Kili nodded and gave him a nod, Thorin watched them coral the ponies and bring them towards the small river (much smaller than last times). When they had gone from sight, he turned from them and started setting up his camp for the night.

Trouble started much earlier than usual that night when Fili came hurtling into their camp sight, wide eyed and out of breath.

"Fili! What is it lad?"

"What's wrong?"

"You look like someone's scared the living daylights out of you!"

"Tharkûn, zâram?"* the wizard? A spike?

The company chimed in, but Fili shook his head.

"Trolls. Bilbo's in danger. Come!" he said, and then he took off again.

Bofur stood up and grabbed his axe.

"Well, come on lads!" he shouted. And with a flurry of weopns, boots and steal the company took off after Fili. Thorin barely had time to grab his sword and lace his shoes as he raced behind them to save the hobbit.

They met Kili in a small dark clearning, as they gathered, Thorin heard the trolls tromping around, grumbling about this and that.

Bofur looked at Thorin, "So, what's the plan?"

Thorin slowly peered out into the bushes.

"Surpirse attack. Get Bilbo, free the ponies and run as fast as you can. We cannot afford a delay."

"Got it."

Thorin looked back at the group.

"Kili, and Fili. Good work. Now go back to camp, we left it unguarded."

Kili's eyes widened and glinted in the dark light.

"What? NO! We found the trolls, we want to fight!"

"No Kili, it's too dangerous for you." Thorin answered, holding up his hand.

"For me?! What's that supposed to mean?" Kili shot back with a glare.

"You are to stay-"

"No." Kili answered, and with a flick of his hair he rolled out into the clearing.

"NO! KILI!" Thorin shouted too loudly, but then he heard one of the trolls squeal.

"Drop him!" he heard Kili shout.

"What?" one of the trolls answered.

"I said, drop him."

This was as good as any of a time to lead an attack, Thorin pulled out his sword.

"On three. One…."

"THREE!" Dwalin shouted, and then jumped out into the clearing.

And the battle was on.

Unfortunately for this little group, it did not last long though. Within ten minutes the trolls had Bilbo strung up, and for the sake of the little hobbit Thorin had to surrender. Now he found himself in a dire situation, hoping for a miracle. And to make it worse, the trolls seemed fixated on Kili, and the chair;

"Hey, look at this little fella." One said

"He seems different, eh?" another one answered.

"Why 'choo sittin in that chair for?" the third one asked

Kili continued to glare, and not say a word.

" Stand up and fight like a man!" the leader of the troll pack shouted with a wicked grin on his face.

"Look at him rollin' around like a little dolly" the second in command laughed.

He gave Kili a rough shove and Kili winced as he rolled forward a few yards.

"No! Stop!" Thorin cried, but the troll stepped out in front of him , blocking him from Kili.

"Go on then, stand up and fight!" he said again.

Kili shook his head.

"No?"

"I cant" it came out as a quiet thin whisper and Thorin felt his heart break for his nephew.

The troll raised his brow.

"You cant?"

Kili shook his head, hair falling over his face, and Tom grinned an evil smile.

"Looking here Bert, we have a dwarf who can't walk. Now, where's the honor in that?" he said

"I say he's bluffing!" Bert said and he gave Kili's chair a hard push. The chair wobbled, but managed to stay erect.

"I have an idea! Let's have a little game—a little wager between three friends. Let's see how long he can stand. Winning bet gets him for supper!"

"Excellent idea, Tom!" Bert said

"I've never had a lame dwarf before. Will he taste the same?" William (the third troll) asked, poking Kili's legs with his stubby fingers.

Tom just smiled "Let's find out then"

He reached over with one massive hand and pulled Kili out of the chair and up to standing.

"No! Kili!" This time it was Fili who shouted. Thorin watched as Fili struggled past the others to get to his brother, but he was caught by the third troll before he could reach Kili.

"Hey! Stop that!" he said, shaking Fili by the cuff of his shirt.

The leader paused, then smiled devilishly. He pushed Kili over and held him down with his boot.

"Tie them up in those old burlap bags. We don't want them escaping while we play our games with this one here." He ordered.

"Good idea, Tom. I'll get those for you." Bert said.

"William! Round them up"

Bert threw a coil of rope.

"Make sure they don't get away."

Tom pressed his foot down harder on Kili's chest, making him wince loudly.

"And if you even think about escaping, this one here will be the first we squash into jelly!" He sneered at the group as William rounded them up, preventing any chance of escape.

888


	9. Chapter 9

Fili felt a heavy sense of hopelessness as he watched the two trolls tie up and stuff his companions into the burlap sacks. They all know if they struggled, Kili would get hurt even more, and no one could bare the thought of that.

"Come on, Blondie, you're next!" the troll sneered, holding up the rope with an evil grin. Fili did not waste a minute. He stood up, and managed three steps towards his brother before a heavy force knocked him down.

"Not so fast, blondie." The troll muttered. Fili felt a heavy foot land on his back, pinning him face dirt to the ground. Then he felt his arms being yanked up and behind him. No! NO he was not going to die like this, trussed up like a mere animal. He growled and struggled, but it was no use. The troll was too strong, and the rope was too thick. Fili winced as he felt it tighten around his wrists, holding his hands in place behind his back. Fili didn't manage a good kick to the troll's shins, but that didn't stop the troll from tightly binding his ankles and knees together, then slipping the burlap sack over his body and tying it sharply at his neck.

The troll grinned at Fili, and then ran his fingers roughly through his hair.

"Pity you're such a pretty little dwarf. Maybe I'll convince Bert to let me keep you."

Fili promptly spat in his face.

The troll roared and then threw his down next to the pile of bagged dwarves.

"Start the fire! I'm getting hungry!" he roared.

"Not quite yet, William. We still have our bets to place." Bert said.

"Right, right. Well, I bet he keels right on over. Those legs look like tow limp noodles to me!" William answered, walking over and touching one of Kili's legs with his foot.

"nice one, William. What about you, Bert?

"Ehh…" Bert pauses from pinching Bombur's face.

"He stands for a few seconds, then topples right over."

"Done"

"And you, Tom?"

"I'll wager he'll stand and manage a few steps, or maybe he's bluffing and using that chair just because he's lazy. We won't know until we try, boys!"

Bert clapped his hands. "Let's do this!"

Fili could only watch in silence as the trolls lifted his little brother out of his chair and held him up. Kili wobbled for a split second, and then he crumbled to the ground.

"Would you look at that!" Bert said with a grin.

"Hold on, hold on. Best out of three, remember?" William said, and he roughly grabbed Kili and pulled him to standing again.

He let go and Kili once again crumpled to the ground. The trolls laughed.

"Look's like he's lame after all. One more for fun?" William said, picking up Kili again.

Kili struggled against the troll, and Fili could see that his brother's eyes were glassy. He struggled against the sack, but he couldn't move a muscle. He then thought of what William had said, about _keeping_ him and he felt his whole body freeze with terror. How were they going to get out of this one?

"And he falls again! Looks like you won the bet, Bert! Won't you share just a mouthful?"

Bert grinned, "Well maybe just a little. Let's get the rest of these dwarves cooking though!"

"It's almost dawn, we better hurry!"

The trolls grabbed six of the twelve dwarves and trussed them up to a spigot that laid across the fire. Kili lay, forgotten next to his chair, not moving at all.

"Kili?" Fili heard Thorin whisper.

Kili didn't move.

"You alright, lad?" Balin asked

Kili remained silent and still.

"Fili, can you get yourself loose?" Thorin whispered, Fili looked up at his uncle and shrugged his shoulders.

"Come on, Fili. Do _something._ You're our only hope!"

Fili felt frozen, scared of the troll's words he kept still and silent. He couldn't let them hurt him. Not like that again.

"You are making a huge mistake!" Suddenly a voice rose from the group, strong and loud. Fili turned and saw little Bilbo standing up in his burlap sack. He had almost forgotten about the hobbit!

"What now?" Bert asked

"Do you really want to cook them like that? I mean, have you smelt them?" Bilbo asked, wrinkling his nose.

"Shut up!"

"No, no let the Flurba-bbit talk." Bert said, grabbing his knife and walking over to them.

"Your gonna need something a lot stronger than sage, if you want to cook up this lot." Bilbo continued.

"Well, what do you suggest we do?"

"Hmm, the secret to cooking dwarf is to…..skin them first!" Bilbo shouted, and Fili felt himself groan. Skin them? What was Bilbo thinking?

The troll considered Bilbo's advice.

"William, get me a fillet." He said

William scoffed, "I've had plenty of dwarves with their skins on. Boots and all." He walked over and picked up Bombur.

"Nice and crunchy!"

"No! No you don't want that one! He's got…worms in his tubes. In fact, they are all infected with parasites. It's a nasty business, I wouldn't risk it at all." Bilbo shouted.

William dropped Bombur with a squeal.

"Infected? We're not infected!" a voice from the vicinity of the dwarf pile shouted.

" We are perfectly fine, thank you very much!"

Thorin cleared his throat loudly, and the group finally caught on to what Bilbo was doing.

"I've got worms as big as my arms!"

"I'm infected!"

The group continued with it's blabbering, and the trolls truly looked confused. Suddenly there was a huge bright light.

"May the dawn take you all!"

Fili looked up, it was Gandalf, he had come back! They were saved, finally!

Fili sighed in relief, he had never been so happy to see that little grey wizard.

They were saved, finally!


	10. Chapter 10

Fili watched silently from his hiding spot up on the balcony of one of the spacious Rivendell rooms as the smoke rings from his pipe drifted up and out over the silent lake, and tried not to think about the past few days. He had been hit in the head during the Orc chase, and Dwalin--of all people--had to carry him. Now he had a bump on his head the size of an egg, and was embarrassed that he, a trained warrior had to be carried through the battle.

The trolls had been terrifying, and had hurt Kili more than they should have.

The Orcs. Who knew Orcs had gathered this close to the trails? Something wasnt right, something was happening in the world, a darkness was starting to stir. They had barely gotten away. Kili had saved the day though, hitting one of the scouts with his arrows. Fili couldn't remember much after that though.

The thing that bothered him most though wasn't the orcs, or his uncle's extreme dislike of the elves. It was that trolls voice.

 That stupid  voice running in his head over and over and over again.

_"Pity you're such a pretty little dwarf, maybe I'll convince Bert to let me keep you…."_

Fili shivered against the wall that he was hiding and hugged his arms around his chest. Those same exact words had been whispered to him before, years ago in the dimly lit forge, but he felt like it was just yesterday.

 _No_. No. He couldn't think about that now. He would let himself think about it.

_Focus on something else._

The elves of Rivendell.

Fili had only heard stories from his uncle about elves, how they were dirty, deceitful creatures who paid no attention to those suffering around him. Never in a million years did he think he would be welcomed as their guest in the Last Homely House. They had only been here a few hours, and Fili had felt more welcomed than he had in his own home. Lord Elrond was kind and well mannered, he also seemed to be turning a blind eye to the destructive nature of Thorin's company because not once has an elf come to scold them about lighting the furniture on fire.

Fili smiled slightly, the elves could learn a few hearty lessons about dirt from dwarves.

"Why are you sitting out here all by yourself?"

Fili jumped at the gruff voice of his uncle, the only reason he was sitting out here in the cold was to avoid confrontation with Thorin. He was sure Thorin wanted to speak to him about the last few days, about him talking again, and Fili really didn't want to talk to anybody right now. He was still too caught up in what the trolls had done to Kili, and what that one troll murmured at him that night.

Thorin stepped onto the balcony and closed the doors quietly behind him and then he turned to face him. Fili felt himself tremble, an old habit that never seemed to fade away whenever he was alone with someone who wasn't Kili.

"Fili." Thorin said softly.

Fili stared down at his hands, not meeting Thorin's eyes.

Thorin didn't seem to mind though. " Fili,  Are you feeling better? How is your head? Take no shame in your injuries. Now that we have had some time to rest, I would like to speak with you. It's been so long since I've heard your voice, I was hoping we could talk."

Fili nodded, realizing that Thorin expected him to speak and also realizing that he had nothing of interest to talk about.

There was a pause, and Thorin sighed slightly. "I can start, if you'd like?"

Fili nodded.

"I thought you were very brave  last night with the trolls. I know....I know it was hard for you, I heard what the trolls threatened---."

He paused. Talking about this was hard for him too. He had been there that night after-----.

"But you stood your ground, and you were there for us and for Kili."

Brave? Him? He had all but cowered in a corner while those vile creatures had tormented Kili. How could he be called brave?

Thorin was looking at him, expecting him to say something back.

He should say something.

Anything…..

Fili looked up at Thorin, "Uncle…I…." he trailed off.

"Yes, Fili?"

"This…this is hard." Fili tried to explain, but it was almost impossible to find the words that described exactly how he was feeling. He looked up at Thorin, expecting to see a face full of confusion, or worse, anger. But instead, he looked into the eyes of a dwarf who was trying his hardest to understand and sympathize with him.

"I know, Fili. But you are doing so well. These past few days have been a blessing for me because for the first time in over twenty years, I was able to hear my eldest nephew speak. I am so proud of you, Fili. And I promise you it will get easier from here on out."

Fili nodded, and was surprised to see his vision blur. Thorin was proud? Of him? Even after what he did to Kili all those years ago?

Thorin then gestured inside, to where firelight twinkled and laughter drifted out onto the balcony.

"When you are ready, come inside and sit with us. We would love to have you in our company." Thorin said gently with a smile.

Fili nodded in reply, "Alright. I will."

Thorin smiled again, then gave him a quick pat on the back and turned to go back inside.

Fili took a few breathes, and then he stood up from the bench. He opened the door and walked inside. He was greeted warmly by the company, and feeling encouraged, he walked over and sat down next to Kili.

Kili smiled at him, "Hello there, brother. Glad to see you come out of hiding. How have you been enjoying Rivendell?"

Fili shrugged, and then he realized he was supposed to answer.

With his voice.

"It's been alright." He says softly.

Kili's smile widened. He reached up and took Fili's hand.

"I'm so glad to hear your voice, Fili."

Fili smiled back at him, he still felt a little nervous. Especially since the entire company was listening eagerly to them.

Kili must have noticed Fili's discomfort, for he then said;

"Want to take a walk or eerrrr roll outside? There's these magnificent waterfalls just down there."

Fili nodded gratefully, and stood from his chair. He followed his brother out of the room without looking back.

The walked/rolled in silence for a while until Kili came to a halt next to the first of the many waterfalls. He stared at the water for a few moments, and then he turned towards Fili and looked at him with gentle eyes.

"We're safe now, Fili. I am safe now. You don't have to feel guilty anymore. Please, brother tell me what's on your mind."

Fili broke eye contact and walk a few steps towards the waterfall before taking a seat at the elegant bench sitting next to it. Kili followed him and rolled to a stop next to Fili.

" You're thinking about what that troll said, about him…you know… keeping you." Kili said softly, looking at Fili.

Fili's eyes flashed up, had everybody heard what that damn troll said? Did everybody know?

_"Pity you're such a pretty little dwarf, maybe I'll convince Bert to let me keep you…."_

The troll's words played through his head, like poison racing through his veins. Fili shivered slightly and hugged his chest with his arms. Kili always did know what he was thinking. Then he looked away from his brother to hide glassy eyes.

"That's not the first time someone has said something like that to you, has it?" Kili asked gently.

Fili hesitated and then nodded again, he desperately wanted to forget that part of his life, to lock it away, throw it down in the depths of the ocean and never think about it again, but he felt like he owed Kili the truth.

"It wasn't your fault, Fili. You don't have to blame yourself for what happened. And I'm not just talking about last night either."

Fili's eyes flashed up. _He knew? He knew what happened?_

Kili smiled and then reached for Fili's hand. Fili flinched slightly, but let Kili take it in his.

"What happened, between you and Gileron? I remember, Thorin was really upset and then Gileron wasn't around anymore." Kili asked innocently.

Fili flinched at the memory. Gileron had been Thorin's apprentice at the smithy he owned in the Blue Mountains the year Fili had turned thirty.

Fili shook his head. He couldn't tell him, not now, not forever. It was too much of a burden for his little brother to bare, what Gileron did—or tried to do. Fili winced as the memories flooded his mind, the ones that would never stop:

_Hot breathe against his ear…._

_Cold hungry eyes looking him over…._

_Hands pinned above his head by strong ones_ ….

"Fili? Fili!"

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he flinched away.

"Fili, look at me."

Fili opened his eyes reluctantly and looked into Kili's warm brown eyes.

"It was Gileron, wasn't it? He hurt you. You were never the same after that. I remember, you flinched away from Thorin's touch for weeks after that. I never understood why."

Fili looked up at his brother. His beautiful little brother and couldn't bear to give him this burden.

He shook his head. _No. No I cannot tell you._

Gileron had been a rash, boastful man who was as quick-witted as he was mean. Fili had despised the man, but despite his personality he was a fast worker, so Thorin kept him around. Gileron found it very amusing that Fili didn't speak, and often teased him about it. But then the teasing went too far and those same exact words that the troll had said were muttered from Gilerons lips as he cornered Fili into the wall, hungry, greedy eyes looking over his body-

If Thorin hadn't stepped in when he did, Fili would have been---

No. No. he was not allowed to think about that. He couldn't it scared him too much to think what Gileron was capable of….

"Fili?—Fili are you okay?" Kili then asked, bringing Fili back to reality. Fili nodded his head and forced a small smile.

Kili sighed, "I wish you would talk to me. You haven't said a word since the river. I miss you, Fee…" Kili trailed off sadly. Fili nodded, but stayed silent. He felt a pang of guilt in his chest, Kili was worried about _him,_ even though he must have gone through his own personnel hell with those retched trolls.

Fili raised his hand and touched Kili's shoulder lightly.

"Please, don't worry about me. I'm fine—I'll be fine." He said softly. Kili's eyes lite up at the sound of his voice and Fili smiled slightly.

Fili paused for a moment, and then asked, "How are you doing? Did the trolls hurt you?"

Kili's smile widened and he gripped Fili's hand. "It's so wonderful to hear your voice! It matters not what those trolls did. This moment was worth it."

Fili blushed at the unexpected praise, and looked down at their joined hands. Was this worth it?

Kili's smile sobered, "What they did—it was terrible but nothing I can't manage. I'll be fine, brother. I promise."

Fili gave him a questioning look.

"I'm sure Fili. I swear, I will be okay. I'm mostly worried about you. How about this; if I promise to be more careful on this quest, will you promise to say at least one sentence to me a day? "

Fili smiled his first true smile in 30 years.

"I promise."


	11. Chapter 11

Kili couldn't sleep.

He couldn't sleep at all.

His back ached, his arms were bruised and sore, and the food the elves gave them didn't agree with his stomach. He felt lightheaded and woozy and not at all sleepy even though his body ached. He felt like a very old, cranky dwarf.

 _This must be what Balin feels like all the time._ he thought grumpily.

He thought, glancing up at the sleeping older dwarf and sighed. He was jealous of him sleeping there peacefully, with a full belly and no worries on his mind.

Kili had plenty to worry about, but he refused to let his mind go there. He would not let himself think about the trolls. About what they forced him to do in front of the entire company, in front of his Uncle. How they made bets on how long he could stand.

He hated it. He hated them. He hated Bilbo for leading the group to them.

He felt his hands ball into fists and his eyes stung.

No. No. He would not let himself think about it.

He glanced up and looked at his chair that had been parked by his bed. Usually he felt such pride towards it. Fill had given it to him, and it had changed his whole world. Usually his heart glowed when he saw the shiny polished wood and he smiled when he saw gleaming metal in the wheels.

But not this night.

As he looked upon it, all he felt was shame. The trolls had broken down all the walls he had worked so hard to build up. They had stripped him naked and shown the entire company his ugly, helpless self. They saw him for what he was; weak.

Kili suddenly felt like the walls and ceiling were closing in around him. He felt the breaths and snores of his companions and felt that even in their sleep they judged him. He couldn't stand to be near them any longer. He had to get out, even for just a few minutes.

He sat up and quietly reached for his chair. He expertly pulled himself in and rearranged his legs so he could sit. He unlocked the wheels and slowly rolled himself backwards and out of the room.

The halls of Rivendell were dark and quiet. The only light came from the full moon that peaked and dipped through the trees as he rolled down the hallway. He didn't really know where he was going and what he was looking for, but he knew he just needed to keep going. Finally, he reached the waterfall where he had spoken with Fili earlier, and was surprised when he saw that he was not the only one who couldn't sleep; Fili was sitting on one of the benches, deeply emerged in drawing something in his sketchbook.

Kili watched his brother silently for a few moments, taking in the way the moon lit Fili's golden hair and gave sparkle to his eyes as he drew. Kill suddenly felt shy of his brother, this new Fili that was emerging from the old one, the one who could speak. The trolls had hurt him too, in a different way and he was still recovering from what had happened. Kill couldn't even imagine what Fili was going through, and he felt sad that his brother felt like he had to hide from him. He loved Fili very much, and just wanted him to be happy. Kill could still remember a time where Fili had been happy and free, even though it was a very distant memory. Kill had been very young when the accident happened and Fili stopped talking, but he could still remember some things; Fili running down the hallway in Thorin's stolen boots, hooting and calling for Kili to come help hide them. They had been so close then. Things were different now though. Everything had changed the day he fell and Kili's heart ached for those days when things had been more carefree. He missed the old Fili, the one who smiled and laughed, the one who never ran away from a challenge, the one who didn't flinch away him, the one who was his brother.

Kili remained in the shadows for a few more beats, and then he rolled out into the moonlight. Fill was immersed in his sketching, but Kili saw his head flinch when he heard the sound of the chair against the marble tiles.

"You cannot sleep either?" Kill asked, rolling into his brother's line of sight.

Fili shook his head, "Those waterfalls will haunt me with their beauty if I do not at least try to get them down on paper." he said, pointing with his pencil.

Kili smiled, oh how he loved hearing that voice! But he also knew from experience that Fili would get shy the minute anyone brought it up, so he said instead, "It's beautiful. Do you mind if I sit with you for a bit?"

Fili shook his head and motioned to the open space next to him. Kill rolled over and locked his chair into place. They both watched the falls for a moment.

"Uncle always told us such horror tales about the elves. I never imagined such beauty in the house of Lord Elrond." Fill said after a beat.

"I heard him mumbling earlier about how the elves could be taught a few lessons about dirt from a good dwarf." Kill answered with a smile.

Fili laughed a little.

There was a beat of silence.

And then another one.

Kili wasn't used to this feeling of unease between them. He felt that he should say something but he didn't want to scare Fili away.

"Do you know if what Gandalf said is true? Is Azog really back?" Kill asked, remembering the frightfully long chase they had earlier with the wargs of Gundaband. He had killed quite a few orcs and wargs with his bow and arrow, and he felt very proud of it. He was curious to see what Fili had thought about their chase with the angry tribe, it was something they had not had the chance to talk about yet. Atleast the part Fili remembered before he had been knocked unconscious and Dwalin had to carry him the rest of the way.

"I think Uncle was more upset about Gandalf tricking us into coming to Rivendell then Azog being back. I think he still has doubts about the white orc. Will they follow us?" Fili answered in a soft voice.

Kili felt like jumping up and down with joy; Fili was talking actually talking. But he didn't, instead he answered his brother;

"First they'll have to find us. Oakenshield's army is not one to follow lightly. I think we will be fine."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

Silence overtook them again. Kili had so many things he wanted to ask his brother; he wanted to know more about Gilreon, and how come he never told Kili anything about it. When the troll had whispered those awful words to Fili, Kili had seen the same look on his brothers face that came up every time Gilreon had been mentioned, every time someone unexpectedly touched Fili and he twitched. It was a look of fear, and shame. Kili did remember the winter after the summer Gilreon had left. Fili had seemed more distant from them but Kili had thought nothing of it. He could remember distant whispered conversations about Gileron being a "bad man" and how he had "disgraced his entire race by fouling the line of Durin". He could only recall one clear memory of odd behavior that now made some sense; Balin and Dwalin had come over for supper, and Dwalin greeted Kili with a giant bear hug, full of warmth and laughter. When he reached for Fili though, FIli had flinched away from him and Kili caught a single look at his pale face with glassy eyes before he darted up the stairs and out of sight. Thorin had pulled Dwalin over to a corner after that, and their mother had called KIli in to help set the table. Kili remembered Thorin whispering, and Dwalin swearing under his breath. But that was all. There was no explanation other than Fili was too ill to come down to dinner. That single event had perplexed Kili for years, until now where it was slowly putting itself together. Kili wanted to talk about it with Fili, he wanted to make sure his brother was okay but he didn't know how to bring it up, or even what to say to him. It was infuriating. He hated that Thorin and his mother had kept him in the dark about what happened to Fili, he hated that his brother was suffering and he had no idea up until those stupid trolls, but most of all he hated Gileron for causing Fili so much pain.

"How come you never told me…err wrote to me about Gileron? I must have asked a million times if you were okay the winter after he left and you always told me you were fine. But you weren't okay, Fili. You haven't been okay since then. Please, I want to know. I want to help you, like you've helped me." he finally asked, looking up at his brother with hopeful eyes.

Fili put down the sketchpad and pencil in his lap. Finally, after several minutes of silence he looked up at Kili.

"It was a long time ago, Kili." he said

Kili's brow furrowed, that wasn't the answer he was looking for.

"Yet, it is still too painful for me to even think about. I wanted to tell you, I really did but I couldn't even imagine bearing such a heavy burden on my little brother, who was so happy and full of life. I didn't want to cause him any more pain." he answered in a quiet whisper.

"Fili….Fili you know you can always tell me anything. Please, share this burden with me. Let me help carry it. I want to help. Please?" Kili pleaded, moving closer to his brother.

"Kili…."

"What happened with the trolls really upset you. I know you, I could see it in your face when he whispered in your ear. I don't want you to be upset. I want you to be happy. And if you told me, maybe I could make it better."

"How? How can anyone make it better? How can—-?"

Kili grabbed Fili's hand and squeezed it tight. Fili finally looked up at him and their eyes met for the first time that night.

"I don't know how, but what I do know is that I love you very much and that I would do anything to help you. But the first thing you have to do is tell me what happened so I can start making things better."

Fili paused, and Kili could tell that he was thinking but then he finally nodded.

"Okay."

888


	12. Chapter 12

Fili closed his eyes, blocking out the moonlight, the waterfall and the eager face of his brother. Fili knew Kili just wanted to help him, and he loved him for it but Kili did not understand what he was asking Fili of. He was asking him to dig deep down to an event that happened almost 30 years ago, an event that he spent the last 30 years trying to repress and forget.

He had been so young then, so naive of the harshness of men, he never had realized that Gileron had been a threat until it had been too late. Gileron had always waited until he was alone with Fili, to whisper vulgar things in his ear and touch him with hard calloused hands. Thorn had trusted Gileron, they had been friends before Thorin caught them on that dark night where everything changed. Fili tried very hard not to think about what would have happened if Thorin had not interfered when he did, but it haunted him in his dreams every night. It scared him, and it made trusting other people difficult.

Then Fili realized that Kili was sitting there next to him, expecting an answer. He took a deep breath. What should he say? That he was almost raped by Gileron? That Gileron had touched him, and hurt him in places nobody should be allowed to touch? That he was too ashamed of what was happening to tell his uncle what was happening until it was too late?

Fili took a deep breath, "Gileron…he hurt me…he would hurt me. Sometimes after the shop closed for the day, it would just be me and him and he…he took advantage of my silence. Uncle found out one night when he double backed into the shop to get something and caught him hurting me. He was so angry—that's why Gileron left—Uncle threw him out of the shop."

"Oh Fili, I am so sorry that happened to you." Kili whispered softly.

There was a beat of silence.

"I wish you would have told me. I would have helped. There was so much I never knew." Kili continued.

"It's okay, Kee. It's not your fault—-."

"And it's not your fault either. It's Gileron's fault. You understand that, right?" Kili asked, looking up at him.

Fili nodded silently.

"You would always flinch away from me, if I touched you unexpectedly."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh Fili. Please don't be sorry. It wasn't your fault. Did you tell anyone? Does anyone know?" Kili asked.

Thorin had kept his promise of silence dutifully. Only telling those who needed to know (Fili's mother, Balin and Dwalin). Thorin had kept his secrets, and kept his silence but, there were sometimes when Fili would look up and see Thorin staring a him, an unreadable expression on his face. He had been there that night, he had seen what Gileron had done to him, he had sat down next to Fili and held him in silence. Somethings didn't need to be talked about to be understood.

Fili shook his head, "Just Uncle. I didn't want anybody else to know."

What he really meant though was that he didn't want Kili to know.

"How come Thorin never told me? I could have helped." Kili said, looking up at Fili.

"How come I never told you what?" a gruff voice asked, making them both jump.

FIli turned around and saw his Uncle Thorin standing behind them, his face hidden in the shadows. Kili turned around in his chair and smiled.

"Uncle! What a lovely surprise. We were just talking. It's been long overdue, don't you think?" he said

Fili felt himself blush, and was very grateful for the veil of night. He still felt very shy of his new voice.

Thorin nodded, "I have just been conversing with Lord Elrond and I believe that we will be able to reach the mountain by Durin's day. Soon you two will be the crown princes of Erebor, and will rule with great pride over the lonely mountain."

He looked over the waterfall and sighed deeply, looking content for just a mount before the Durin scowl appeared on his face again.

"We are to leave this place by daybreak. I do not wish to be around the elves for very much longer. I suggest you two try to get some sleep, for the journey will be long." he said, then he walked over and placed a gentle hand on Kili's shoulder.

"The trolls, did they hurt you?" he asked

Kili shook his head, "No, but—."

"You did well shooting against the warg pack." Thorn interrupted

"Yes, I know but—."

"This quest will only make you stronger, and when you are the true prince of Erebor, I will make sure no one takes you for granted. I am weary now, and tomorrow will be long. Goodnight nephews." he patted Kili's shoulder again, then reached out to Fili but his hand stopped mid-gesture, closing into a fist. He lowered his arm and gave Fili a nod of his head.

"Goodnight, Fili." he said.

Fili could not ignore the hope in his uncle's eyes that he might speak to him.

"Goodnight, Uncle." Fili answered with a shy smile.

Thorin beamed, his eyes a lite with joy, he said goodnight one more time before turning and walking towards their camp.

They both watched Thorin walk away, his heavy boots echoing loudly against the marble hallways.

Kili sighed, "He's changing. And I don't like it. A week ago he would have sat with us and talked until sunrise.

Fili nodded, he had noticed Thorin's change in heart too. He had talked about nothing else besides the quest since Elrond had read his map and told him they had to reach the mountain by Durin's day.

"I suppose we should get some rest." Fili said, looking at his brother. Kili nodded.

"Roll me in?" he asks, unlocking the chair.

"Sure."

"And Fili?" he asked

"Yes?"

"I want to talk to you more, tomorrow. About everything. I've missed you, brother."

Fili smiled, "I've missed you too."

They rolled down the hallway together, and for the first time in a very long time Kili felt like he finally was starting to get to know his brother.

 


	13. Chapter 13

Per Thorin's word, the group set off towards the lonely mountain twenty-five minutes after daybreak. Fili yawned sleepily as he shouldered his bag and swords, then hurried to catch up with Kili who was speeding a long ahead of him, just after Dwalin. The rest of the company walked a long in silence, lost in their own thoughts. They had not treated him any differently, since he started speaking, in fact most of them continued to ignore him and Fili was okay with it. He had too much to think of himself to deal with their questions or thoughts. He felt slightly guilty that he had told Kili what happened to him with Gileron. The last thing he wanted to do was burden his little brother with his troubles. To be honest though, he did feel better after talking about it with Kili. For the first time in more than thirty years he felt the anvil hanging from his chest lighten, just a little. He was finally starting to accept what happened to him, and realize that it was not his fault.

They did not stop at lunchtime, nor did they stop for the night. Thorin pushed them ahead relentlessly, as if he were afraid that the elves would track their company down and bring them back to Rivendell.

"Thorin, we need a breather. This is madness, are we going to go until we each drop like flies?" Balin finally spoke up, voicing what the rest were thinking.

Thorin reeled around, and Fili forced himself not to flinch away from the mad look in his eye; a look of pure Durin.

"Nothing is more important than reaching the mountain before Durin's day. We cannot stop. We have to get to the mountain. We have to—-."

"Thorin, begging your pardon but please would you shut up about the mountain? We're tired, and cold, and hungry. Give us an hour, at least." Bofur chimed in, stepping body towards Thorin and pointing his hat at him.

Thorin glared at him, as if he were trying to set him on fire. Bofur refused to look away. They started at each other for five minutes straight, neither one backing down. Finally, Thorin jerked his head away.

"Fine. You have 30 minutes."

And then he stomped off to look at the trail ahead.

Fili stared after his Uncle. Yes, Thorin had a temper, and he was stubborn and he always got his way, but this was truly madness. What ever happened to the level headed dwarf that had convinced him to come on this quest?

"Fili?"

Fili's thoughts were interrupted by the voice of his brother. Kili had rolled over to him, and was looking up at him with big brown eyes that were wet and glassy.

"Fili. I cannot go on for much longer. I…it hurts…look." he said, and he opened up his hands to show several bloodied blisters and swollen fingers.

Fili knelt down next to Kili, and examined the hands.

"Kili. Why didn't you say anything?" he asked softly.

Kili shrugged. "Uncle, he's changed. I didn't want to madden him further." he whispered.

"I know. Let's get you to Oin, he'll patch you up." Fili said, standing and putting his hands of the chair handles.

"Is it alright if I—."

"Yes. Go ahead. I cant do it anyway." Kili muttered moodily. Fili knew he hated being pushed by anybody. It made him feel vulnerable. Fili rolled his brother over to Oin, who was using a rock to widen his hearing horn.

"Oin?"

"Eh?"

"Kili's hurt—."

"What?"

"Kili he's—."

"You're going to have to speak up, lad." Oin said, putting his horn to his ear and staring intently at Fili.

"Kili has blisters on his hands—-."

"Kili's got whiskers on his glands? Well good for him." Oin said, and then he went back to stabbing his horn with the rock.

Kili looked up at Fili and mouthed "whiskers on my glands?"

Fili smiled and shook his head,and tapped Oin on the shoulder.

"Yes?"

"Um, Oin. Fili here, again."

"Fili! Good to see you, lad!"

"Yes. I'm here with Kili—."

"You want to drink some whiskey? Well, lad I usually don't just give out whiskey to every young'n I see but if you insist—-."

"No. No whiskey for me! Kili has blisters on his hands! Do you have something to help him?!" Fili practically shouted, pointing to Kili and then his hands.

"Blisters on his hands? Why didn't you just say so! I have something right here that will help in a jiffy!" he said, pulling his bag over and digging through it. Kili was trying so hard not to laugh about Fili's whiskey that Oin had to grab his hands to hold them still.

"Stay still, lad. What's so funny anyway? What are you two jabbering about?" he asked as he tabbed the ointment on Kili's palms and then wrapping them with cloth bandages.

"There ya go. Just be gentle with them for a few days and you will be good as new. Come back to me later tonight and I will change the bandages for you." he said, patting Kili's hands and smiling up at the both of them.

"Thank you, Oin." Fili said

"Oh wait. Fili. I have something for you…I was waiting to drink it until we were actually inside Erebor but I wouldn't mind pulling it out now." he said as he pulled out a bottle of whiskey.

This gesture caused Kili to break out into laughing hysterics.

Fili smiled, "No thank you, Oin. Save it for the mountain."

Oin just shook his head and smiled.

"I will never understand you younglings." he muttered, waving them off.

Fili took this as a cue to leave, and he pushed Kili back towards their spot around the now burning fire.

"We should talk to Oin more. He's quite entertaining." Kili said with a mischievous smile.

Fili laughed, but then stopped when he realized that Kili was staring at him.

"What?" he asked

"You are laughing. I don't think Ive ever seen you laugh before."

"I don't think I've ever been offered whiskey before." Fili answered

"I like it. You should do it more."

"Do what? Drink whiskey?"

"No, silly. Laugh."

Fili looked down at his brother and smiled.

"Okay, I'll try."

888

The company managed a few hours of sleep before Thorin raised them again, heavily insisting that they move as fast as they can. It was near dawn when they finally packed up everything and started moving again. All except for one dwarf.

"Fili?" Kili asked, and Fili noted the tremor in his voice.

"My hands. I can't push. It hurts too much." he whispered, opening up his hands to show the heavily bandaged palms.

"That's alright. I can push you, if you'd like." Fili offered

Kili hesitated, and Fili knew he was weighing the options. Kili was sensitive about letting other people push his chair. He hated giving up control to another person, and he hated looking weak.

"Okay." Kili said after a few beats, and he put his hands in his lap, allowing Fili to push the chair forward.

They walked and rolled until the approached the base of the mountain trail. It was starting to rain slightly as Thorin approached it and put one foot up on the rocks.

"Up and over. That will be the fastest way. Up and over. To the mountain. Durin's day. Up and over." he mumbled to himself, pacing back and forth.

"Thorin." Balin said, taking a step towards him.

Thorin looked up, "This is not the easiest path. It may be the fastest, but it is also the most challenging. I do not some of us are up for such a challenge." Balin said, pointing to the steep path.

Thorin scowled, "Then maybe some of you are not worthy of the mountain."

He once again turned to step onto the path, and was once again stopped by Balin.

"Thorin. Do not succumb to this madness. This path is too steep for a wheelchair. We need to find another way." he said, pointing to Kili.

Thorin's eyes went from Balin, to Kili sitting tall in his chair, back to the path and then to Kili again.

"There is no other way."

"Thorin. Listen to yourself. Would you rather leave your own kin behind than find another way?" Balin asked, trying to reason with him.

"We are running out of time—."

"Durin's day is three months—-."

"THERE IS NO TIME!" Thorin roared, causing Balin to take a step back from him.

"You are not to argue with your King. We are taking this path, there is no other way. Carry him if you must." Thorin demanded, glaring at Balin and then at the rest of the company.

"Kili, gather your things and give them to Bofur. Bombur; you can carry the chair. Dwalin; carry Kili. Let's go. Now."

Kili gasped, the mere thought of being carried frightened and angered him.

"Uncle, you must—-."

"Silence. Kili, do as your told."

Kili closed his mouth and glared his meanest glare at his uncle. this was not fair, Thorin wasn't being himself. None of this should be happening.

Dwalin walked over to Kili, his eyes pleading for cooperation.

"Please, Kili. It's just for a little while." he said quietly.

Kili crossed his arms and glared straight ahead.

"Do as you must." he said coldly.

Fili felt his heart pang as he watched Dwalin pick up Kili and carry him on his back. Kili buried his head into Dwalin's hood, hiding his face from the world.

888


	14. Chapter 14

The climb up the mountain was silent and full of tension. The only sound was the scruff of their boots against the cold mountain rock, and the occasionally sniff from Kili, who hadn't spoken a word since Dwalin had picked him up.

Fili couldn't help but feel a little sad for his brother, who always remained so strong, who always held his head up high and sat tall even when things got rough for him. And he was always there for Fili, no matter what even against Thorin, who despite his good intentions sometimes came off as demeaning. Fili remembered the first time Kili had stood up for him against Thorin after the accident, a few weeks after Fili had given Kili the chair.

_Fili sat at the table silently and played with his shoulder length blonde hair, and  refusing to look at his mother who was holding up a battered flashcard with the word DOG written across it. They been at this for twenty minutes and he was already tired of it._

_"_ _Dog." His mother said, holding up the card so he could see it. But Fili remained silent. He wasn't going to break the vow he took, the guilt wouldn't let him do it._

_"_ _Come on Fili. Dog. Just say it. Dog." Dis tried again._

_She sighed when just shook his head._

_"_ _Here, let me try." Thorin said. He took the card from Dis and walked over to Fili, pulling out the chair next to him and sitting down._

_He held up the card._

_"_ _Dog." He said, looking at Fili._

_Fili remained silent and still, willing for this moment to be over so he could go back to his book upstairs. And he knew if he just said it, then they would let him go but he couldn't._

_"_ _Maybe another card?" Dis said, pulling one from the stack with the word SQUIRREL written across it and handing it to Thorin._

_"_ _See, this one's easy: Sss—cho—eaarrr- ahhhh nevermind-." He quickly pulled up another card and Fili could see a hint of a smile in his mother's face._

_"_ _Squirrel. That one said Squirrel" she said._

_"_ _Thank you, Dis." Thorin mumbled. Then he held up the new card with the word CAT on it._

_"_ _There we go. CAT. Can you say cat?" he asked Fili._

_But Fili just shook his head. He really just wanted this to be over so he could go._

_"_ _CAT, honey. Can you say it? CAT." Dis chimed in, a look of worry in her brown eyes. Fili just shook his head._

_Thorin sighed and stood up. "This is useless." He mumbled throwing down the card and stomping over to the cabinet to grab a glass._

_"_ _Why wont he do it? Why won't he speak. We had the doctor come, said nothing was wrong. So what is it?" he grumbled at Dis._

_Dis sighed, "I don't know, Thorin."_

_Thorin slammed the cabinet closed._

_"_ _I wish he would just say something. Anything at all-DAMN IT!-." He swore as the glass slipped from his fingers and fell to the ground with a crash, making Fili jump._

_"_ _I know. I know. But it has to get better, we just need-." Dis started._

_"_ _THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH!" Thorin shouted, finally loosing his temper._

_"_ _Thorin-."_

_"_ _He needs to speak. He cant go his entire life not saying a word. What will people say about him? How will he ever be able to find work? Whatever this is, it needs to be fixed. NOW!" Thorin continued, pacing the floor angrily and kicking the glass shards all over the room._

_"_ _Thorin, please." Dis pleaded._

_Fili stared at the table, face burning with embarrassment. He hated when they did this, speaking to each other about him like he wasn't in the room._

_"_ _What's going on?" a voice said, making them all turn to see Kili sitting in the doorway in his new chair, hair a little disheveled, eyes a little droopy._

_"_ _Oh I'm sorry sweetie. Did we wake you?" Dis asked, standing up. Kili still had a hard time sleeping through the night and often took naps during the day._

_"_ _No. No I was awake. Everything okay?" he said, rolling inside the kitchen. Fili watched his as he looked from Fili, to the cards on the table, to his mother and then to Thorin, who's face was red and flushed._

_"_ _Yes everything's fine." Thorin said._

_Kili rolled over to the table, and picked up one of the flashcards._

_"_ _Squirrel?" he said._

_"_ _Yes. Apparently that one says squirrel." Thorin grumbled from the vicinity of the floor, where he was picking up the broken glass._

_"_ _What are you guys doing?" Kili asked_

_Dis sighed, "We're trying something to help your brother get better."_

_Kili looked at Fili, their eyes met for a second and then Fili looked away, embarrassed that Kili had to see this. Kili's brow furrowed._

_"_ _Get better?" he asked, "What's wrong with him?"_

_"_ _He won't talk." Thorin said, standing up and glaring at Fili._

_"_ _So what if he wont talk. He doesn't have to speak if he doesn't want to." Kili said, rolling over to Fili and putting a hand on his shoulder._

_"_ _You should accept him for who he is, just like how you've accepted me for who I am. Chair and all." He said, looking back and forth from Dis to Thorin. He then turned to Fili._

_"_ _Come on brother, let's go fishing down by the lake." He said, giving him a smile. Fili nodded and they turned to go, leaving Thorin and Dis in the kitchen._

Fili smiled at the memory, neither his mother nor Thorin had bothered him about speaking again after that day—even thought later he had caught of glimpse of his mother using the flashcards to teach Thorin Westron.

The rain thickened, and soon they were all completely drenched with water. Thunder boomed in the distance and the wind threatened to pry Fili from the very rock that he stood on. This was getting worse; Fili knew they had to find shelter soon. As they walked along in the pouring rain, Fili distracted himself thinking about the old tree house, the one that Kili had fallen out of all those years ago. After things had gotten bad—worse—with Gileron, Fili would hide up there with a pile of books. It was the only place where he felt truly safe because he knew Gileron knew nothing about it. And no one could bother him up there, not even Kili. That is, not until one day—a particular bad day that made Fili's whole body shake and tremble-as he was sitting there, trying to calm down and catch his breath suddenly he heard a strange sounds, like rope hitting a branch. There was more rustling, a strange squeaking sound and suddenly Kili's face appeared in the tree house door. Fili was so surprised and confused he let out a little gasp and suddenly felt embarrassed because Kili couldn't have caught him at a worse time.

"I thought I heard noises up here." Kili said as he pulled himself up into the tree house. Fili saw that Kili was holding a cable, and was sitting in a harness made of ropes and leather.

"Like my knew contraption? I call it a climbing saddle. I made a pully, see? Now to climb up trees all I have to do is use my arms" he said with a smile as he pulled himself into the house and used his hands to push him over to where Fili was sitting, eyes taking in the tear stained pale face, and trembling hands of his brother.

"Are you alright?" he asked, voice full of concern

Fili shrugged, he couldn't tell him. He could say anything at all. He quickly wiped his face with his hands, trying to erase the remnants of his tears.

Kili scooted closer to him and offered him his hand.

"Everything's going to be okay." He said with a small smile. Fili reached out and took it. That was Kili, always knowing how to make him feel better even when he didn't know what was wrong.

Kili then looked around, "So this is where you go hide after work. I was beginning to wonder where you went off. You've done a great job with the place. I remember when it was just board of wood. Now there's a bookshelf and everything, you're so clever, Fili." He said with a smile.

Fili shrugged again. He was beginning to feel a little better. Kili always calmed him down. He was always so good to him even though Fili knew he was-

Suddenly, Balin was shouting and Ori was gripping his arm in a vice like hold.

"Ori? What—?"

Fili squinted through the rain and saw that Bofur was pointing at something, and all of a sudden the mountain that they were on started moving. Fili watched in horror as two stone giants loomed up over the horizon. He gripped Ori and the crumbling rocks as the ground shook beneath him. Suddenly, the world was sideways and Fili realized that _they were on the leg of the stone giant._ He heard a yell and then saw a crack appear next his boot. He looked up just in time to make eye contact with Dwalin and Kili before he was thrust away from them and into darkness.

"NO. NO KILI!" Fili shouted at the top of his lungs. He lunged forward but could see nothing in the thick downpour. He rushed towards them, hoping and praying that they made it. The rocks came apart and Fili felt relief as he saw the others, but then his heart dropped as he realized that Kili wasn't there, then lighting flashed and Fili saw his brother hanging by his fingers off the cliff.

"Kili!" Fili shouted, and he dropped down to grab his brother but he couldn't reach him. They were too far about.

"Kili! Hold on!" A voice shouted, and Fili saw Thorin pulling himself down to grab the hood of Kili's jacket. He pulled him up just enough for Fili to grab his hand. Together, they pulled Kili up and over the cliff. Thorin pulled Kili up over his shoulder, and quickly retreated into the cave.

Fili followed inside quickly, not wanting loose sight of his brother again. He saw Thorin put him down and rushed over.

"Kili-." He started

But Thorin stopped him, "Stay away from him."

"What?" Fili asked, confused.

"He needs some room to breath." Thorin replied

"But I-."

" NO. NO. You let him fall! You let him fall again! Stay away from him. Just go over there. You've caused enough trouble for one night." Thorin shouted, his eyes glinting with anger.

Fili stopped cold. Did Thorin really believe that it was Fili's fault? All these years even when he said he did, he did? It didn't make sense, it-.

Suddenly a crystal clear answer popped up in his head.

_It wasn't his fault._

Fili looked up at his uncle, who had a slight spark of insanity in his eyes.

"No." he said

This time it was Thorin's turn to pause.

"What did you say?"

"No. It was not my fault he fell. It was never my fault. It was an accident." Fili said, taking a step towards Thorin, who in turn puffed up like an angry hippopotamus.

"How-."

But before he could start shouting again, Fili cut him off.

"No. Now it's my turn to speak. You've changed, Thorin. The Uncle I knew would never call out his nephew like this. For years you've been telling me that it wasn't my fault and I never believed you until just this moment when you said it was. The Uncle I knew wouldn't even have taken us up this trail. Or spoken to Kili like you did. You're changing, Thorin and I don't like it. This madness you've had since leaving Rivendell needs to stop." Fili said, stepping forward and pointing his finger at Thorin.

Thorin paled and as suddenly as it came, the red anger that haunted his eyes left him. He stood there, staring at Fili as the rest of the company stared at them.

"Fili…I…I'm-." Thorin started, but before he could finish his sentence, the floor opened up and Fili was able to give one last shout to his brother before he and the rest of the company were plunged into darkness.

888


	15. Chapter 15

Fili was falling.

Down.

Down.

Down.

He hit the ground hard, barely able to blink away stars before—

"Aye get yer ass outta my face!" he heard someone—Dwalin—mutter from underneath him. With effort Fili pushed Bombur off of him and gasped for breath. There was no time for breath though, because before he knew it, Fili was being pushed and pulled forward by small gnarly hands and glowering faces.

Goblins.

They had fallen right in their cave. Fili grimaced and tried to wrench his arm away, but the mass of goblins were too strong.

"Fili!"

Fili heard his name and turned to find a panicked Ori barely holding on to Kili, who was struggling to not be trampled by the hoard.

Fili shoved his way over and pulled Kili's left arm up and around his shoulder. Kili looked at him, surprised because he knew how sensitive Fili was about being touched.

He nodded his head. There was no time or room for his fears here in the darkness.

They hobbled along the dark, damp tunnels, being pushed and prodded by the goblins. Fili held on tight to his brother, his lifeline through the raging waves of dwarves and goblins. He couldn't see much; his eyes hadn't adjusted yet to the darkness. He heard crunching underneath his feel and tried not to imagine what he was stepping on. Finally, after what seemed like hours, they emerged into a large chamber, filled to the brim with rope ladders, filth and cheering goblins. Fili forced himself not to wretch at the horrid smell of rotten flesh as they were pushed up to the "throne" of the Goblin King, who was singing some sort of song—if you could call it singing. Fili felt his brother trembling and he pulled his other arm around him, giving him more support. Ori held his other side, making sure he wouldn't fall. Fili vaguely wondered if the chair had made it through the fall. It had been dissembled, folded and carefully packed into bags. They would have to reassemble it once they got to safer grounds.

"Who would be so bold as to come armed into my kingdom? Spies, thieves, assassins?" the Goblin King hissed, looking them over with his small beady eyes.

"Dwarves your malevolence" one of the goblins answered.

"Dwarves?!"

"We found them on the front porch"

"Well don't just stand there, search them! Every crack, every crevice!" the goblin shouted.

The goblins swarmed around them, pulling at Fili's cloths, his belt, his sword. They grabbed his hair and shrieked meaningless things in his ears. Fili felt the panic in his chest rising again, their hands suddenly feeling like _his_ hands as they groped for his weapons. He struggled and cried out, jerking his arms and his legs, trying to get them off to get _him_ off. The surroundings dimmed and suddenly he wasn't in Goblin Town anymore, he was back in Ered Luin, in Thorin's shop with the doors locked tight and all the candles blown out. Gileron had Fili pinned against the wall and had wrapped a piece of twine around both wrists to keep him from moving, from struggling as _he_ slowly gripped his belt and undid it, hands hot and sweaty running all over his body and Fili could move, couldn't escape or call out for help. He was just thing, a pawn used in this twisted game of sick lust-

And then the hands disappeared as the goblin's attention turned to the swords and trinkets on the ground. Fili tried to stop hyperventilating, tried to focus on what was happening but everything was too blurry and dark-

"They are in league with elves!" the goblin closest to Fili shrieked.

"Made in Rivendell, second age- couldn't give it away" the King said casually, throwing the trinket away-

The twine had left swollen, bruised and bloody marks on his wrists. He remembered watching Thorin's face as he wrapped them in bandages. It was full of concern, but also anger. That night Thorin had left his keys in the shop and had doubled back to get them. When he got to the forge, he was surprised that the front doors were locked—because why would they be if he had left the keys inside-. Gileron hadn't thought to lock the back door though; he had planned for this game, waiting patiently for everyone to go home. He had known Fili liked to stay after hours to work on his own projects, had know that Fili would be in the forge late that night. He hadn't expected anyone to come back once they left. Fili had never heard his uncle shout so loudly before, or seen him beat a man to pulp before. After he had kicked Gileron out-and shouting nasty things in both Westron and Kuzedul—Thorin had turned to Fili and Fili remembered that in his panicked state he had thought Thorin was _him_ and tired to scramble away but he couldn't because of the twine holding his hands behind his back. Thorin had kneeled down next to him and quickly cut him loose. They had just sat there, neither of them saying anything and Fili remembered then Thorin had tried to touch to him, reach out to him and he flinched away from his touch, he remembered that Thorin had never looked more sad-

"No tricks I want the truth" The Goblin king shouted, bringing Fili back to the present and making him jump.

"You're going to have to speak up! Your boys flattered my trumpet" Oin shouted, holding up his ruined trumpet.

"I'll flatten your trumpet-."

"If you want the truth you better speak to me." Bofur spoke up, stepping forward from the group. Fili focused on the dwarf's hat- _you are here, stay here, stay with them, don't go back, don't go back there-_ he forced himself to listen to him, focus on every single word Bofur was saying.

"We were on the road, well it's not so much as road as it is a path, actually its not even that come to think of it its more like a track. Anyway the point is we were on that road which is like a path which is like a track and then… we weren't. Which is a problem because we were supposed to be in Dunland last Tuesday." Bofur finished. The rest of group nodded in agreement.

"SHUT UP! If they will not talk, we'll make them squawk! Bring out the wrangler, bring out the bone breaker!" The King shouted gleefully to the crowd.

"We'll start with the youngest!" he said, pointing directly at Ori. Fili felt him shrink into the group, and he took a step forward, shielding the younger dwarf from the goblin. The three of them—Kili, Fili and Ori—had grown up together in Ered Luin, and even though they weren't incredibly close, their paths had crossed a few times while growing up. Ori was very shy, but never once did he question Fili's silence, or Kili's chair. He always accepted them for who they were. Fili remembered the first time he had met Ori.

_"_ _Thorin! Thorin! Dis!" a panicked Dori cried as he burst through the kitchen door with Ori in tow, making Fili flinch and drop half the puzzle he was working on onto the floor._

_"_ _Thorin!" Dori called again, and this time Dis came running down the stair._

_"_ _Dori. What is it? Are you alright?" she asked, looking over the disheveled dwarf._

_Dori shook his head, "It's Nori. He had some bad mushrooms. I need to talk him to Oin's right away. Can you watch Ori for me? I don't know how long its going to be." He said._

_Dis nodded, "Of course."_

_During this, Fili had been on the floor picking up the dropped pieces. It was Sunday, his day off from working in the shop and he was glad to be away from Gileron, at least for a little while. It was the middle of the summer, and Gileron was just starting to make him feel uncomfortable. Fili was dreading going onto work the next day because he knew the tormenting would start again. So he focused all of his attention on picking on the puzzle pieces, he didn't even notice Ori helping him until their heads collided with each other._

_"_ _Oh. I am so sorry, Fili. Are you okay?" Ori asked_

_Fili nodded his head._

_Ori smiled, "Well, Balin always says a good head butting is the best way to say hello. I'm Ori by the way. I don't think we have met before. Nori is my big brother."_

_Fili nodded, he knew Nori from Thorin's shop. He was his bookkeeper but he didn't realize that Nori had a younger brother._

_"_ _I've met your brother—Kili—we sometimes have lessons together with Balin. You're all he talks about, I feel like I already know you." He said with a smile._

_Fili nodded his head again._

_"_ _This is a great puzzle, the lake is beautiful." Ori commented, looking at the puzzle box. Then he picked up his handful of pieces and stood up at the table. He pulled out a chair and sat, examining the pieces with his chin propped up on his hand._

_"_ _Ahhh, here we go." He said, and put a piece together._

_Fili sensed someone staring, and turned around to see his mother beaming at him, she gave him a little wave, as if to say "go on, go do the puzzle with him."_

_Fili sat down and stared at the puzzle for a few seconds, then connected two pieces together._

_Ori added another piece to the two, and then connected it to the frame._

_For the next hour they sat together, working quietly on the puzzle. When they were finished-_

"I KNOW THAT SWORD, IT IS THE GOBLIN CLEAVER!" the King shouted, suddenly bringing Fili back to the present as he watched the Goblin King scurry back over his throne, pointing at their swords in terror.

"The biter, the blade that sliced a thousand heads. Slash them! Beat them, kill them!" the King shouted as the surrounded goblins tore Fili away from his brother and Ori. Fili watched in terror as they pinned down Thorin.

"Cut off his head!" the king shouted, and Fili couldn't tear his eyes away from his Uncle as the Goblin's sword rose high in the air and-

BAM!

A white light flushed through the chambers, knocking the breath out of Fili. Hope had come at last.

Fili squinted through the brightness, ears ringing and then he saw a figure outlined against the light, he squinted to see who it was and to his relief he saw that it was the wizard. Once again, Gandalf had saved them just in the knick of time.

"Take up arms, FIGHT...FIGHT!" Gandalf said. The company rose around him, getting up to their feet, grabbing weapons and preparing for battle. Fili sat up, then looked down at Kili, who was propped up on his elbows, fighting for breath.

Fili picked up a sword and then gestured for Kili to sit up.

"Get on my shoulders" he said

""What?"

"We'll fight together."

"Fili are you-."

"Yes. I'm sure."

They stared at each other, and then Fili offered Kili his hand. Kili took it and Fili hoisted him up over his shoulders. Kili drew his bow and shot a goblin in the head. He laughed and drew another as Fili fought off the goblins with one arm while holding Kili's legs with his other.

"He wields the foe hammer, the life beater, bright as daylight!" the goblin king shouted, pointing at Gandalf

"Follow me, quick!" the wizard shouted, pointing the way. Fili ran on strong legs, fighting off the goblins as he followed the wizard.

"RETREAT!" Gandalf shouted.

Together, Fili and Kili followed the company; towering over the goblins they stood tall with dwarven pride as they fought their way through the caves. Fili heard his brother whooping and laughing as they fought as a team. Fili smiled, the first true smile in over 30 years. His brother, despite being paralyzed _was_ happy. He had reshaped himself to form around his legs instead of allowing them to hinder his growth. Flashes of memories flower through Fili's mind's eye;

_Kili doing a wheelie in the chair, much to the astonishment and joy of the other dwarves as they watched him smile and laugh._

_Kili laughing and racing down the pathway holding a pair of pants with Thorin in hot pursuit, shouting and cursing Kili to the wind as he chased after his trousers._

_Kili pulling himself up to the tree house in the leather harness he made, facing his fear of the wretched structure just to give his brother some comfort._

_Kili shooting his bow and arrows in the practice yard._

_Kili smiling._

_Kili laughing._

And Fili realized that even though Kili was physically paralyzed his soul was still free and because of the chair Fili built for him, he was able to follow his dreams of becoming a dwarven warrior, a proud symbol of the Durin family. Fili remembered his vow, that he would not speak until Kili was healed and realized that all this time that Kili _had_ healed. Kili being able to walk didn't matter; it was Kili being truly happy that would end the guilt. Suddenly Fili felt the anvil lift from his chest as the guilt disappeared and turned into joy. He was finally free of it; Kili was happy and that's all that mattered to him, Kili was-

With a great crash, the Goblin King landed in front of them glowering and waving his spear. "You thought you could escape me, what are going to do now, wizard." He challenged. Gandalf hit him in the face with his staff, and slashed his throat with his long sword.

"Oww! That'll do it." The King muttered before keeling over backwards, dead.

Suddenly the floor collapsed from underneath them.

"Not again!" Fili though as he pulled Kili in close to his side and held on.

This time he was face to butt with Dwalin, whom out of the excitement from the fall and the battle let out a little toot as they landed.

Fili jumped up, surprised and astonished that such a distinguished warrior such as Dwalin would—

There was a loud crash overhead as the body of the Goblin King fell down on top of them.

"Well that could've been worse" Dwalin muttered darkly. It was all too much for Fili, he started laughing uncontrollably.

"Fili…..?" Kili asked, "What is it? What could possibly be funny-GANDALF!" Kili interrupted himself, pointing up to the ceiling. Fili looked as saw thousands of goblins charging towards them.

"There's too many, we can't fight them!"

"There's only one thing that will save us. Daylight!" Gandalf shouted as they jumped up from the rubble.

Still laughing, Fili pulled Kili up onot his back and followed the others outside, still laughing at what happened. It wasn't until they were completely outside and away from the goblins did Fili finally calm down. He then noticed that Kili, and the entire company were staring at him. Feeling his face flush red, he looked over at Kili.

Kili smiled at him, "I don't think I have ever heard you laugh like that before."

Fili blushed even more.

"Don't be embarrassed, it's a good thing. I like hearing you be happy." Kili said, touching his shoulder.

Fili smiled, "I like being happy" he said.

"What was so funny back there, out of curiosity?" Kili asked

Fili felt himself blush, "well…" he started, he looked over the group, searching for the right words but he just could not seem to find them.

"Dwalin-tooted-in-my-face-when-we-landed." He blurted out quickly.

This time it was the company's turn to laugh.

"If only we had known sooner, I would have let one rip earlier!" Dwalin guffawed good-naturedly.

Even Thorin smiled.

Thorin slowly walked over to Fili, eyes aglow with happiness and pride. He too remembered that summer night when he had found his nephew with that bastard of a man. His only wish since that night was to bring the light back into his nephew's eyes again, to see him laugh and finally be happy.

"Fili…" he started, but then he was interrupted by a long blood-curdling howl.

"What was that?" Bilbo asked. Fili just stared at him. Where had he come from? When did he leave? Fili tried to remember the last time he actually saw the hobbit but he couldn't remember. He had been so focused on Kili that he had forgotten about the hobbit until this very-.

"No time for explanations! Hurry! We are in grave danger!" Gandalf shouted as another warg howl pierced the silence.

"Out of the frying pan…" Fili heard Bilbo whisper.

Fili turned to see a dozen wargs heading their way.

"And into the fire." He muttered.

He grabbed Kili from the rock, and then they began to run.

888


	16. Chapter 16

888

"Up into the trees, all of you!" Gandalf shouted as he hoisted himself up into one of the pine trees.

Fili looked up at one of the branches, "Quick grab it and hang on. I'll pull you up." He told Kili.

Kili nodded and then gripped the branch with his hands. Fili let him hang there while he jumped up onto it, using his legs to prop himself up he quickly pulled Kili up, out of harm's way.

"They're coming!" Ori shouted, pointing at the wargs and orcs coming their way. Fili flinched as the nearest one to them jump up, just barely missing Kili's foot. Fili climbed up another branch and then pulled Kili up with him. The wargs still snapped and snarled at their legs, but could not be reached.

Fili looked up to see what everyone else was doing, and felt his heart sink as he saw his companions' tremble in fear. Why was no one arranging a counter attack? He then saw Gandalf whisper to a butterfly. Why wasn't he fighting the wargs, like he did the goblins?

Then, Azog the white Gundaband Orc that had promised to wipe out the line of Durin appeared through the pack of orcs on his white warg. Fili had never seen his uncle scared before, but now as he looked up at him he saw that Thorin was shaking like a leaf, his eyes bright with fear and disbelief.

"Do you smell it? The scent of fear. I remember your father reeked of it, Thorin son of Thrain." Azog whispered, eyes never leaving Thorin.

"It cannot be" Thorin gasped

"That one is mine, kill the others." Azog commanded, and now both the orcs and the wargs were upon them. Biting, and jumping they never gave up as the company clutched the trees. Gandalf reached over and grabbed a pinecone, lighting it on fire he threw it at the wargs.

"Fili! Kili! Catch!" Gandalf shouted as he lit more pinecones and threw them down to them. Fili caught his, tossing it from side to side to prevent his hands from burning, then he aimed and threw it at a warg. The beast caught on fire, howling and running away.

The fire made the wargs retreat but now they were trapped in the flames. FIli clutched his branch and tried his best to prevent his hair from catching on fire. He looked up at Kili, who was gripping the branch his both arms, eyes shut in fear. Then the trees slowly started falling over.

"Hold on, Kili!" Fili shouted to his brother. He watched in horror as one by one the trees tipped over on each other. He quickly grabbed Kili, put him on his back and jumped over to the next tree, and then the next until they were on the one hanging over the cliff.

"Mister Gandalf, help!" a voice cried, and Fili turned to see Ori and Dori clutching the tree, legs dangling over the cliff. Then, a movement caught his eye; it was Thorin, running as fast as he could towards the Gundaband orc. Fili saw Durin's determination on his Uncle's face as he realized what Thorin was going to do; he was going to end this once and for all. He had seen this look before, it was the look that Thorin had on his face when he banished Gileron from their shop. Azog was hurting his family, and he needed to be stopped. Right now.

Thorin raised his sword, and his oaken shield at Azog, leaping from the tree and—but the white orc was quicker. He stood up on his Warg and struck Thorin down with his mighty sword. Fili watched his uncle being beaten and all of a sudden Azog wasn't himself, he was Gileron, just another bully who thrived on causing people harm. They were all him, all of the Orcs, preying on the weak and the helpless, robbing, stealing, killing. Fili hated them. He hated them all.

"Bring me the dwarf's head." Azog snarled

The orc raised his sword. Fili stood up in the tree and launched himself towards his fallen uncle, he would not let Gileron—Azog-kill him, he would not let him hurt his uncle, not again! It was Azog's eyes that did it for him, they were cold and greedy, just like Gileron's. Then a crystal clear though came into Fili's head; he would not let them hurt his uncle. He did have a choice this time, this time he could fight back. He didn't have to stay in the shadows and watch his uncle die because he was no longer afraid of Gil—Azog. Fili stood up, raised his sword and ran forward, tackling the orc who raised the sword against his Uncle's neck and killed him, waving his sword at Azog and the other orcs.

"You will not touch him." Fili said, pointing his sword around from orc to orc.

"You would let your younglings fight your battles for you, Oakenshied? How cowardly." Azog growled. He lunged forward, but found himself face to face with Fili, who held his sword to the orc's through, giving him the Durin Glare.

"Get away from him, Gileron." He spat

Azog gave him a look of bemused confusion, and then he shook his sword in the air.

"Kill him! Kill the line of Durin!" he shouted to his orcs.

Kili had been watching all of this from the tree. He watched as his brother fought his foes—both Azog and Gileron were in the orc pack. He watched as Fili defended their uncle, and stood up against his own demons that haunted him, brandishing his sword he fought bravely against them. But he needed help. Kili took in a deep breath, he needed to help them. He looked up at Dwalin and Bofur, who were watching the fight with a defeated look on their faces.

"Dwalin! Dwalin! Pick me up!" Kili said, looking up at the older dwarf.

"What?" he asked, he knew Kili hated being picked up and carried anywhere.

"Pick me up, and put me on your shoulders. We need to help them. Quick!" Kili said, pointing to where Fili and Thorin were on the ground. Dwalin nodded, and hoisted himself up on his branch to his feet. He pulled Bofur up too, and he went to grab Bifur and pull him up.

"You sure, lad?" Dwalin asked

Kili nodded, "I'm sure. I have to save my brother."

Dwalin lifted him up and put him on his shoulders.

"On your mark." Dwalin said. Fili looked back and saw that Bofur had rallied the other dwarves—Bifur, Balin, Bombur and Nori to help with the fight.

"Go!" Kili shouted, and they charged into the battle. Kili slew orc after orc with his sword, he and Dwalin spun around, a fighting machine equipped with four swords and super speed. Kili then realized, as he beheaded his tenth orc that he was ten times stronger with the help of others, than he was by himself. He thought of his mother, Dwalin, Thorin and Fili—he would still be a bed-ridden dwarf if they had not believed in him. Without them he wouldn't be where he was right now. Without them, he would probably be dead, or worse than dead; a cripple with no future to care for. As Kili fought, he watched Fili out of the corner of his eye and felt his chest swell with pride. Something in Fili was finally defrosting, something was changing and a new Fili was emerging, a strong one, who wasn't afraid of life. All Kili wanted in the world was his brother to find the courage he needed to break down the walls that trapped him in that dark, voiceless space. And now he was free of it.

All of sudden, there was a flurry of bodies and feathers, and the orc that Kili was about to slay was picked up off the ground by a massive creature and thrown off the cliff. Kili looked up and saw that a pack of eagles had come to their rescue.

"Dwalin, look! Eagles!" Kili shouted, pointing.

Dwalin looked up for a quick second, "By my beard if any one of those feathery bastards get anywhere near me they will have-."

Bu Dwalin wasn't able to finish his sentence though, as an eagle then swopped down and picked up both Kili and Dwalin on his back. Kili toppled off of Dwalin's shoulders, rolled forward off the eagle and was airborne for only a few seconds, and then another eagle caught him. Kili gripped the feathers with his hands, trying as hard as he could to hang on. The eagle swooped down over the fight and scooped a still fighting Fili up with his talons, flipping him over and throwing him onto it's back.

Kili beamed at his brother, who looked a little shaken from being tossed around like a beanbag.

"Why hello there, Fili." He said

Fili was too winded to speak, but he gave him a smile. His eyes trailed something behind Kili, and Kili turned around to see another eagle carrying an unconscious Thorin.

They both stared at each other, and then Kili—hesitantly at first—reached to hug his brother. Fili pulled him in tight and laughed gently.

"Are you okay?" Kili asked.

Fili nodded his head. He was more than okay. He looked at Kili, who was sitting tall on the eagle's back, one hand gripping the feathers and the other intertwined with his. Kili returned his smile, and then looked up and around the sky

Slowly, Fili spread his arms out, extending them and embracing the wind. He let out a deep sigh.

He was finally free.

888

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. As always, comments are welcome as long as they are considerate and respectful.


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